Guys and Girls
There have been entire books written on the differences
between guys and girls. Books like "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
Doesn't it feel like guys are from a different planet sometimes?
I don't want to just stereotype guys and girls because not everyone falls into this exact category. But, this will give us a general idea of how guys and girls are different, especially as it relates to relationships.
When I was in high school, I remember my dad taking me
aside and telling me the differences between guys and girls. One of the things
he told me was that guys are visual and attracted to what they see. He said that
I could walk into a room with 10 layers of clothes on and a guy could still be
turned on by what he sees. That's just the way guys work.
Read more about the struggle I had with compromising in my fashion choices on my teen fashion tips page. I'd highly recommend reading my story on fashion choices if you haven't already.
Anyway, back to guys. They are visual and attracted to what they see. How do we know this? Let's think about this for a moment....who tends to be more addicted to pornography? Guys or Girls? Guys, right? Overall, they tend to be more visual.
Not only that, but their main desire in a relationship is for sex. Simply put...
They desire it. It's just the way God made them. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27
God gave us sex to enjoy in a committed marriage for the purpose of having children and keeping the earth populated. "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth" God says in Genesis 1:28.
Did you catch that? God gave us sex to enjoy. That's right enjoy. But, we are to enjoy it within a committed relationship to one person. This is called marriage.
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Hebrews 13:4
In other words, we are to "keep
our fire in the fireplace"! Our fire of sexual passion let loose outside the
boundaries of a committed marriage is going to leave damage (broken hearts,
depression, STD's, pregnancy, etc.)....just like the damage that would occur if
you started a fire in the middle of your bedroom instead of in your fireplace at
"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer -- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." Proverbs 5:18-19
We tend to be primarily emotional and long to be deeply loved and accepted. We want the intimacy. That said, we sometimes give sex for love. In other words, we want the emotional bond that comes with sex, not just the physical act. And it does bond deeply! However, it is not God’s plan for us.
I like the following illustration for the bonding that happens
through sex. Try this at home....take out some duct tape. Tape a 4-5 inch strip
onto your arm (the side with hair). Make sure it is bonded good with your skin
and then pull it off quickly. Ouch! It probably took some hair with it! Now do
that a few more times. What happens? Generally the tape doesn't stick as well
the more times you bond it to your skin and then pull it off.
Can you see where I'm going with this illustration? Sex bonds us the deepest the first time, therefore, the bond isn't as deep the more often we casually have sex with many partners. Some may think sex is just intercourse and that oral sex is okay. Check out what the true definition of sex is...you might be surprised to find that it includes oral sex.
So, the more times you casually have sex, the less the emotional bond will be and the less fulfilling it will be to you as a girl since the emotional bond is primarily what you long for.
If you are interested in pleasing God with your relationships, it’s important to know God’s standards on sex. Not your friends standards or the standards you see on TV, movies, music videos or the internet. How do we know God’s standards? By looking at His Word, the Bible.
Ephesians 5:2-3,5 says “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people...For this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”
I think those verses are pretty self explanatory. We are not to have even a hint of sexual immorality.
However, because of the differences between guys and girls, girls who give sex for love are making a big mistake. Not only are they choosing to go against God’s standards and choosing to sin by having sex before marriage, but they also may not get what they want - the love they were really looking for.
Why? Well, we may think that because sex bonds us to that guy so deeply, he will also have that deep bond and want to stay with us. It’s just not the same for the guy. Giving a guy sex is giving him what he wants... he wins.
What happens when you play a video game, or any game for that matter, and win all the levels and know all the secret codes? It gets boring, right? It’s no longer as fun to play because it’s no longer a challenge.
In a way, that’s what happens when we give guys sex. He wins the challenge. The thrill of the chase is over and he may start to grow bored and look for another girl to “conquer.” It sounds so shallow, but it tends to be true.
My dad used to say that a girl who lives with her boyfriend is making a mistake, especially if she wants to get married. He said why should her boyfriend ever commit to marrying her if he already has what he wants...sex. He would use this illustration: why buy the cow if you can come and get the milk from it every day for free?
Back to the duct tape illustration... which
time do you think the tape hurt the worst? Taking it off the first, second or
third time? You're right, the first. That's why breaking up with the first guy
you've sexually bonded with can hurt so much. Not only that, but you've left
part of yourself with him... just like the hair getting stuck to the duct tape.
You can be forgiven for what you've done, but unfortunately you can never fully get
back that part of yourself.
I John 1:9-10 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."
If you want a new start, be encouraged that God can give you a fresh start! "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." I John 3:8b
Shelley has a heart for teen girls that began from her own journey of finding her true beauty in Christ. She is currently serving God by helping other Christians learn to let their light shine.
Connect with Shelley online:
For Young Women Only
Guys will be guys. And now girls can know what that means! For Young Women Only dives into the mysterious inner-workings of the teenage male mind so that you can begin to understand why guys say and do what they do. Exploring critical topics including respect, insecurity, appearance, physical affection, and the “tough and tender”-ness of guys, this book is also packed with “ask the expert” sections, quotes, and fun personal stories from guys in all walks of life.
The Truth about Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends
Chad shines some much-needed light on these major issues for teens. Rather than let their feelings navigate them blindly through their tumultuous adolescence, Chad offers clarity, some surprising revelations, and answers to some of their biggest questions: How do I know who to date? When should I start dating? How should I start dating? Is this really love? And, Why do guys I like just want to be friends?
What are You Waiting For?
Dannah follows the trail of one provocative, ancient word through the Bible to discover God’s deepest thoughts about sex. The mind-blowing truth she uncovers clearly points the way to a sexuality that’s satisfying and real and everything God designed it to be.
If you've had a difficult break-up, share your story with us.
Wherever you are in the healing process, it's good to know you are not alone. This is a place to help and be helped. So, please give your advice and encouragement to those who share their stories here.
God is able to heal the brokenhearted and one way He does that is through supporting each other and praying for each other.
Click below to read others' stories
~ Know Where You Stand, Before You Cross The Boundaries To Sin ~
Teenage relationships can be fun, and exciting. Although, along with the thrill comes responsibility and boundaries. You must set standards if you want …
My story ....I was a firm follower of Christ and my life was centered around him but I was homeschooled which meant I was shelter and blinded from experiences …
My Story of "love"???
Well, it first started when I was 14. I was turning very pretty and a lot of the older guys always wanted to go out with me. So many of them wanted to …
A woman's heart should be so lost in Jesus that a man..............
First I'm not a teen girl but I would like to share my story LOL. I am actually a man in my mid twenties I really liked your Hebrew language analysis …
As a freshman in high school, I entered into a dating relationship with a boy from my youth group. He was an amazing guy, and both of us had true relationships …
Some guys are just jerks no matter how hard we try...
"I love you." I said. "No you don't." She said. I really didn't. I did care about her though. I am probably the nicest guy, really, I am. The thing about …
Love and broken hearted
I fell in love with my boyfriend when I was only 15. We were both head over heels. It was a healthy relationship, and he was very good to me, but eventually, …
When the blindfold comes off
i met this guy at work. he seemed very polite at first and sweet. And he's good looking. I thought it was okay to like him because the last guy i liked …
HURT in a break up
my break up was one of Gods plans. the H stands for help. i needed help to get back on track. my ex pulled me away from God while he was trying to …
Teen Flirting Tips - Is it innocent fun? Read this article and decide for yourself!
Guarding Your Heart - What happens when you deeply bond with guys? Should you think about protecting your heart?
How Far is Too Far? Technical Virginity and the Definition of Sex - When you make a commitment to abstinence what does it really mean?
A New Gift - Hope for those with a sexual past.
Top Dating Tips - To date or not to date? Read this article and then decide!
Masturbation for women and teen girls - It's not just a guy problem. If you are struggling with this issue, read this article and S'ambrosia's story of finding freedom.
Sex and Depression - Is there a link? If you're feeling depressed, it could be coming from something deeper than you think. Find out more here.
Porn...A Growing Problem Even Among Teens - Porn is something that many people are getting addicted to but aren't talking about. It is impacting families, marriages and controlling many people's lives. All they can think about is the next time they will be able to access their computer or the next thrill they will get. Although boys are the ones typically drawn to porn due their visual nature, girls are also getting hooked. Even girls in good homes that are raised in the church.
Overcoming Sexual Abuse - Find Healing and Hope After You've Been Deeply Hurt
Views on Homosexuality - Is it Right or Wrong? Learn more about this controversial topic and discuss it with others.
Teenage Abortion - You or a Friend Considering Teenage Abortion? Choose Life! Read this article containing facts about abortion you should know before making a decision.
Sign up Below and Get this Book FREE:
Sign up below to have these devos sent to your email daily.
Get the Books!
Body Image Lies Women Believe - Read 26 different stories from 26 women and learn how to overcome body image lies with God's truth.
Get your copy here
Broken Crayons Still Color - Shelley Hitz shares how our biggest regrets, failures and mistakes become what God uses the most in our lives.
Blessings from Above - Discover how Jesus defined blessings and how that relates to life today in this short Bible study booklet with Heather Hart.
Please note that we are a member of the Amazon affiliate program which is designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.
Get True Beauty Stuff!
True Beauty Buttons, Bags, Mugs, T-shirts & More!
From $1 and up