Emotional Virginity 

What Happens When
You Deeply Bond with Guys?

We've already talked about sex and virginity ("keeping your fire in the fireplace" of marriage), but what is emotional virginity?

Well, this is where we'll talk about protecting your emotions in relationships with guys. Emotional virginity is probably something you don't think about. But before you dismiss it all together, let's consider the impact it can have.

Ever Been Depressed After a Break-up?

depression after break-up

By far, this is one of the most frequent prayer requests I get for teen girls... being brokenhearted. It's too common not to address.

If you're a teenage girl, the chances are either you or a friend of yours has experienced feeling depressed after a break-up. Some depression is normal. But, too many girls are getting "stuck" in the hurt and pain.

Statistics have shown a link between sex outside of marriage and depression. But what if you haven't been sexually active?

There are steps you can take to protect your heart.

Are the Gates of Your Heart Wide Open? Has Your "Security Guard" Taken A Break?

security guard gate

Have you been to a gated community lately? Some of you may live in them. They are neighborhoods that have a security guard sitting at a gate deciding who comes in and out of the neighborhood. It gives added protection and security, especially in big cities or high crime areas.

When my husband and I lived in the country of Belize, we lived in a situation like this. Crime tends to be higher in third world countries, so it's much more common to have armed security guards at night watching the area. Well, one night we heard a gun shot (our security guard shot straight up in the air to scare off intruders) and came to find out some people had climbed the fence and were coming for our house. That night, I believe the security guard saved us from getting robbed.

What about you? Do you have a "security guard" protecting your heart or is your "security guard" on a break?

The bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

I did a little research on the original Greek meaning of these words.

That word guard means "to preserve, guard from dangers, to be blockaded."

And heart means more than just being “mushy, gushy”. It is your mind, will, understanding, inner part, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory, inclination, resolution, determination (of will), conscience, as seat of appetites, as seat of emotions and passions.

I'll repeat it again. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

How Do I Guard My Heart in Relationships?

emotional virginity image

Most girls like to talk. And talk, and talk. Not all girls are this way, but in general we bond by talking.

Guys are not usually this same way. They bond through adventure and by doing things together. Think of the guys you know, what do they do when they hang out? Watch or play sports. Play video games. Hunting and fishing. Etc.

But, girls love to sit and talk.

My husband knows this about me. I like to talk on the phone with him, but he usually doesn't like it. Why? It's just one of the ways girls and guys are different.

Since girls bond by talking, it's easier for us to share our deepest, most inner thoughts with guys. You talk for hours and it feels like you are bonding so deeply with him. He's such a great listener. But, what happens is, you can open the gates of your heart - too much, too soon. It can leave your heart unprotected and unguarded.

Let's say you tell your boyfriend everything. All your deepest darkest secrets. He's your accountibility partner. You trust him completely. Then, 3 months later, you break up. However, he still has a part of your heart. Can he still be trusted with it? Who else will he share those deepest, darkest secrets with? Who do you have to share with now?

Are you starting to understand how sharing too much of yourself too soon can be dangerous?

Is He The One?

You may think that because you are so in love that it's okay to open your heart completely. You think he's the one. But, if you are 14, 15, 16 years old, statistics show that you will most likely not be marrying your high school boyfriend.

That means that it is likely you will break up. And if you do marry him, statistics show that 51% of teen marriages end in divorce before the age of 24? (US Bureau of Statistics)

The bottom line? You will most likely not marry the guy you are dating, so be a little cautious and guard your heart.

About the Author

Shelley has a heart for teen girls that began from her own journey of finding her true beauty in Christ. She is currently serving God by helping other Christians learn to let their light shine. 

Connect with Shelley online:

More Help for Teen Girls...

Shelley and Heather have written a book
specifically for teen girls -- and this book could change your life or the life of a teen girl you know... 

Find out more now!

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Recommended Reading

Boundaries in Dating
by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

If many of your dating experiences have been difficult, Boundaries in Dating could revolutionize the way you handle relationships. Even if you’re doing well, the insights you’ll gain from this much-needed book can help you fine-tune or even completely readjust important areas of your dating life. 

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