by S'ambrosia Curtis
Masturbation for women and teen girls can become an addictive and hidden sin. If you are struggling with this issue, read this article and S'ambrosia's story of finding freedom.
A few years ago, I was a member of the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship campus ministry at Kansas State University. One evening, one of the guys in our group felt compelled to stand in front of everyone, in a large group meeting, to tell us about his hidden sin. He was addicted to pornography and masturbation.
It was easy to tell that it was hard for him to verbalize his problem in front of a group of his peers, but I couldn't help but admire his courage for being so transparent with us. The response of the group was also very encouraging to my heart, as other guys were able to come forward and admit their own addictions to pornography. It got even better when all of the females in the group gathered around the guys and prayed for them.
After that meeting, the guys decided to meet on a weekly basis to pray for each other and to hold one another accountable. That, to me, was a perfect example of how the Body of Christ should work. We confess our sins to one another and instead of condemnation, we find support, encouragement and love. I believe the fear of condemnation (being looked down upon by others) is one of the biggest reasons we choose not to confess those sins we struggle with the most. Only, confession is the first step towards freedom, so we're only hurting ourselves by keeping quiet.
Sexual sins tend to be the hardest to confess to others because they make us seem, and feel, so immoral. It's true that these sins actually do make us immoral, but as long as no one else knows about it, we can trick ourselves into believing that we're okay. So not true. Check this out:
"This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives." James 1:5-10
Once people know about your sin, yes maybe a few will judge you (uhhh...who cares?!) but those who truly follow Christ and know the heart of God will desire to keep you accountable. They will want to see you overcome and will walk with you through the struggle, and the best part of it all is that you will both be walking in the light!
Confession is the first step out of darkness, but make sure you're not forgetting repentance! True repentance, the recognition and rending of one's wicked heart before a Holy God, is REQUIRED for any kind of change to happen. You can confess your sin as much as you want, but if you do not desire to change, you're still walking in the dark... you're just telling everyone that you're doing it instead of having to slink around.
Let me give you an example from my personal life of how this works...
Ever since junior high, around the time that I began to become boy crazy, my sexual fantasies were out of control. It wasn't enough to obsessively think about the boy I liked at the time, I also had to imagine what it would be like to share incredibly intimate moments with him.
As time progressed, thinking about sex wasn't enough. I wanted to get more stimulation from the fantasies, so I began to masturbate.
I knew it was wrong, but it had become a habitual practice for me, so I couldn't stop... no matter how many times I promised God that I would. For over 10 years I struggled with this and never told anyone, because I didn't know of any girls that struggled with the issue and I was ashamed of what they would think of me if I told them .
One night, after falling into temptation yet again, I got so frustrated that I decided to kill this sin once and for all. I personally believe that when you deal with sin, you always have to take drastic measures, since sin doesn't hold anything back when it tries to keep you in its clutches. In Matthew 18:8 it says to cut your hand off and throw it away, if it causes you to sin! Of course I didn't cut my hand off (and neither should you), but I knew that I needed to have the same type of mentality when approaching my sin, so I got on facebook that night and confessed my hidden to sin to all 700 of my friends in a note!
I knew that once I confessed, I'd be able to step out of the darkness, because I had exposed the sin myself. I showed everyone what was lurking inside of me instead of choosing to hide it. Do you know what sin does when it's exposed to the light of God? It flees!
Upon reading my note, people started coming out of the darkness themselves and confessed to me that they had been struggling with the same thing! All that time we could have been walking together in the light, but because of fear we struggled alone in silence. Not cool. I wrote that blog in August of last year and guess what... I'm still completely free from that sin!
I won't say that the temptation hasn't come for me to revert back to my old habits, because they most definitely have, but the Lord has so graciously strengthened me through His Spirit to be able to resist those temptations. The Lord helps me tremendously, but I also have to guard my heart by watching the things I feed my flesh.
For instance, no movies with ANY sexual content... or changing the channel when sexual content comes on the television (that includes people making out)... or not letting my thoughts about guys go to any degree of impurity. When those temptations do come, I have to put the brakes on immediately. Sometimes I have to verbally tell myself "No," which can be kind of funny when I'm around other people... but it works.
If you've been harboring sin in your life, I would encourage you to decide whether or not you're willing to commit to living a life of freedom. It's a big commitment because you definitely have to keep working to make it work. If you're ready, go to God and tell Him that. Then find a brother or sister in Christ and confess your sin to them. Let them pray for you and encourage you. Also, Joshua Harris's book, "Not Even a Hint," is a phenomenal resource to use for your encouragement. Don't let fear of man keep you from being free of secret sin. Being frowned upon by others is a small price to pay for the joy that comes with knowing that you are truly free.
I have co-authored a book titled, "A Christian Woman's Guide to Breaking Free From Pornography: It's Not Just a Guy's Problem" to help Christian women who may be struggling with this issue. You can get a copy at the link listed below or download the first chapter for free. Our prayer is to see women set free from sexual sin in Christ.
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Filter/Accountability Software - They offer free accountability software called x3Watch that you can put on your computer. **Note** There is a pro version and a free version, the free version is at the bottom of the screen. You then choose 1 to 3 people who will receive an e-mail report of the questionable sites you've looked at in the last 2 or 4 weeks, whichever you choose for your reports to be sent out. They also have a great prayer wall forum where you can post and receive encouragement from others going through the same struggles. See the whole list here.
Counseling - Focus on the Family has a resource where you can find recommended Christian counselors
I'll close with this, "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." Ephesians 6:11
We have a prayer team of hundreds of people willing to pray for you! Please send us your prayer requests, so that we will know how to specifically pray for you!
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