What exactly does God do

by Debbie

God never helped me for all of the years I was abused, I prayed to him as a child and He never came to me or helped me.

After years of covering this shameful history up, it's time I spoke out and even now, nobody is willing to listen, not even God. No matter what happens or how hard I pray, God doesn't want to know.

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I am here to listen
by: Shelley

I want you to know that you're not alone and I am here to listen to you. And my heart hurts for you and whatever abuse you went through as a child.

I think it's healthy that you are now beginning to talk about your past and what happened to you. Many people try to hide it and don't admit to others what happened to them.

And yet I encourage you to continue down the path of healing. I found in my life that it got pretty hard and the road got pretty bumpy at times, but there was healing on the other side. It is there for you as well.

For me, it took a supernatural power to offer forgiveness to the ones who hurt me. In forgiving them, it didn't mean what they did was okay or that they were "off the hook." But, it did take the weight of that unforgiveness and bitterness off my shoulders and into God's hands.

It sounds like you believe there is a God...can I ask you what kind of spiritual belief you have? Do you believe in the God of the Bible or in Jesus? What do you believe happens after we die?

I have to tell you that the only way I made it through some of the hurts I've experienced is through a relationship with God....the God of the Bible. Wherever you are on your spiritual journey, I encourage you to be willing to open up your heart again to God.

Sometimes our view with God is distorted because of the relationship we had with our fathers and the male role models in our lives. Read more about how this impacts our view of God here.

Sometimes we are stuck in our relationship with God because of unforgiveness in our hearts. Read more about the weight of unforgiveness here.

Sometimes we just don't believe science and God can mix. Read more about Creation vs. Evolution here.

Sometimes we just don't trust the Bible. Read more about why I trust the Bible here.

Know tonight that I prayed for you and there are others praying for you as well. You are not alone!!


He truly loves you
by: Debbie

Debbie --

Let me start by saying I am glad you found this website. Because every one of us here cares, we are listening, and we want to help you.

I used to think like you. As I was growing up, I was abused by family, by classmates, sometimes by friends and role models -- physically, sexually, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. And I thought no one cared.

Then one day, I met Jesus. I'd heard of Him as a child, even went to church sometimes, but never understood what it meant to pray to Him, to know Him or even to know how much He loves me and was there through all that pain, each step of the way, hurting with me and carrying me when I didn't even know Him.

He protected me through so much, Debbie. At an early age I was introduced to witchcraft and later got involved in New Age. I was taunted for things I did, how I looked, things I couldn't change.

I married when I knew it wouldn't work, divorced, stole my dad's car and ran off with my daughter to join a cult. Later, I got involved with bikers, drinking, partying, sleeping around.

But through it all, God protected me. He never let me go so far that He couldn't be found when I really sought after Him. When I really sought after Him, He was there for me. It took some time, but He was there. And it was only only after I found Him that I could look back and see He was with me all along.

See, God doesn't always remove us from the pain. He never said He would do that. But He said He sees it, He feels your pain, it breaks His heart.

Psalm 56:8 [The Message] says, "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."

So if He knows we are in pain, why doesn't He rescue us? Because He wants to help us through it so we can help others who are going through the same pain, just like I am here to help you now.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." [2Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV/NLT]

Finally, He loves you, Debbie. He really does. As it says above, He is "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles." So come to Him for comfort, Debbie, and let Him hold you, and love you, and wipe away the pain.

Isaiah 49:15-16 says, "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

He does love you, Debbie, and He wants to help you through this so you can help others. If you want to know more, or just want to talk, please remember we are here for you, Debbie. We are praying for you, and we love you, just like God loves you. I hope you'll give Him another chance.

we will listen
by: Jess

i have also lived in an abusive environment as a child. it was to my mother and i always used to pray that things would get better but it just seemed to get worse until one day we left. i felt the whole time she was in the relationship God wasn't listening and it kind of made me lose faith for a while. i never really talk about this past with anyone because i'm afraid of what people will think. but i believe God was listening and He put me through that life to make me realize later on (now) what i really want to do with my life. maybe the same thing will happen for you. we are put through struggles so that we can be stronger people later on. and even if you feel God isn't listening we are and you can always talk to us on here.

shelly's reply
by: debbie

i believed in god when i was a child, when i believed santa comes through my chimney. i don't believe in a religion these days, and i hope that when i die that's it! nothing else just darkness. A whole after life to contend with really doesn't appeal to me, i mean heaven for 1000 years maybe fun but forever! eternal, never ending scares me i'd prefer to die and that would be it. As for belief i do have belief in myself, i'm not very educated where religion is concerned because it doesn't really interest me, it's fascinating to hear the stories of the bible but nothing i would concider taking interest in. Sure i've always felt a need to believe in something but that's where i discovered my god, which is me.
If i commit a sin, i consider this act as 'bad behaviour' i want to know that i feel bad for committing this sin purely because i'm a good law abiding citizen and my repentance is to own up or free myself from burden by doing what is right, not because of the big man in the sky judging me one day! does this make sense?

"Only the truth shall set you free" and this is absolutely correct i live my life by this because the truth will set me free with my own conscience not because it makes my chances of heaven more successful.

With every GOOD there is EVIL or with every GOD there is a DEVIL. I was good and my devil was abusers, why would such a man so great allow such evil? he created man and women, he was the first thing ever so why create a devil? why allow such sick people or spirits exsist?
may be i lack education or understanding of this but surely i should question this.

Why should a person love such a powerful and creating god if he stepped back one day and allowed children to be hurt?

i've read through some of this site and it shocks me. Everything that i have been through and will continue to go through as never once stopped me from being a good person to others and yet according to this site i'm pretty much doomed to a life in hell because i'm lesbian and i've used the gods name in vein a few times.
I'm very much in love with my partner, i do voluntary work for the needy, i'm a student nurse and i would literally give my last penny to anyone who required it for good use. I'm a good person and yet on this site i'm being told to prey to someone who killed his son in order for me to be a good person. Maybe i'm out of order here but i'm willing to hear your opinion on this.

Sure i need help for my history but i preyed as a child and he never did anything so why would i do that now? my preys would fall on deaf ears

please reply

How can a loving God allow evil?
by: Shelley

First of all, I want to thank you for your honesty. I value and appreciate honesty. So thanks for sharing what you really think and not just what you think we want to hear.

I'm glad to hear you are searching and on a spiritual journey of sorts. It sounds like the path you have chosen right now is Humanism, or the worship of self. A lot of people have chosen that path today.

The main thing I want to answer from your post is this...

You said, "Why should a person love such a powerful and creating god if he stepped back one day and allowed children to be hurt?"

That's a very valid question and not an easy one to answer. I won't just try to give you a pat answer or try to explain away your hurt. Someone did something to you that was wrong. And it hurt.

I believe God grieves when we hurt. So, why does He allow it? I think I won't fully know the answer to that question until I reach heaven.

But, in the meantime, one thing I do know is that the Bible says all evil originates from sin, and that all sin is caused by Satan. So, if Satan causes all sin, who should we blame when evil things like this happen to us? God or Satan? We should be blaming Satan and not God.

Why does God allow it?

Like I said, I have wrestled with this question. Between the sexual abuse that happened to me and my grandma's murder, believe me, I have wrestled with this question.

This is one thing to consider. God decided that He would give us free will. The ability to choose.

I believe He did this because He wants to have a relationship with us where we choose to love Him....so we're not just robots in service to Him.

However, with free will comes the ability to choose to do good or evil. And the evil we see around the world is because people choose not to love God and obey Him. If he forced them to obey Him, then He would be taking away free will and also taking away our ability to choose to love Him and have that kind of relationship with Him.

For instance, would you rather have your partner say she loves you because she chooses to or because you are forcing her to say it? I think we all want to know someone is choosing us over everyone else in the world to love. Not just because they have to.

In John 10:10 the Bible tells us what Satan's mission statement is for our lives, "The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Therefore, I believe anything that has stolen something from me (my innocence), killed my joy or destroyed something precious within me....is the work of Satan and not God.

See the next post...

Story of Cracked Pot
by: Shelley

You may not be at the place yet to see this next point in your situation and that's okay.

However, the other thing I've seen in my life is that God has brought something good out of every hurtful thing that has happened in my life. Kind of like "turning poison to medicine" as one person posted on this site.

I want to share this story with you about a broken pot that encourages me in my own brokenness...

"There once lived a water carrier in India. He used two large pots for his task. He suspended a pole across his neck and attached a pot at each end of the pole. One of the pots had a big crack in it while the other pot was perfect. The perfect pot always delivered a full portion of water from the stream to the master's house, while the cracked pot arrived only half full each day.

For two years this water carrier make the same journey. The perfect pot became proud of its accomplishments. The cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. Finally, one day by the stream, the cracked pot spoke to his owner about his bitter failure, 'I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize that I have only been able to deliver half my water to your house. There is a crack in my side which causes water to leak out. Because of my flaws, you don't get full value from your efforts.'

Then the water carrier replied, smiling, 'As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.' On that trip from the stream, the cracked pot looked around.

'Did you notice there are flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' the master commented. 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we passed these spots, you watered them. Now for two years I have been able to pick those beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, I would not have the beauty to grace his house.'" **

I realize that story is not a perfect illustration, but I love the fact that something beautiful came from something so broken.

Debbie...that's what I've seen God do with the brokenness in my life. I have seen Him bring something beautiful out of it. If He can do it for me, I know He can do it for anyone. The healing takes time and it's not an instant fix, but it's worth it.

See next post...

** Story Taken from The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero (2003) p. 119.

Praying for you...
by: Shelley


I want you to know that you are accepted here. We are all on a journey and many of us still have questions. I want this site to be a safe place to ask difficult questions...asking questions is an important part of our spiritual journey in finding the truth...so I encourage you to keep asking questions.

I know this probably doesn't even begin to answer all your questions. I don't think any human can. I believe the only person that can is God.

I encourage you to continue your spiritual journey. The Bible says, "You will seek me (God) and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13.

Praying for you,

p.s. Do you like to read? If so, would you be willing to read a spiritual book that is NOT religious and is NOT boring? It is actually more like fiction but is based on a true story of someone's healing journey from a very difficult and painful hurt in their lives. I think it might offer some more insight into what you're going through. If you're interested, the book is called, "The Shack" by William P. Young.

dear shelly
by: debbie

i love the fact that you're replying to me and helping me no matter what i question, let me just take a moment to say thank you very much for this, i very much so appreciate it.

God is the creater or so i understand, so why create Satan in the first place?

why does he consider me a sinner for being lesbian if he wants us to live freely? and happily?

i wasn't aware of humanism and this has definately given me an interest in finding out a little bit more. and i shall get a copy of the shack book because i do like to read a lot so thank you for the suggestions.

I mean no harm or affence with the questions i pose, i guess i'm like everyone, we all strive for answers to things that are not easily answered and i suppose that having faith is not something you can easily pick up and put down. I like things set in stone and if not i like to debate them to fine a theory that is logical.

Why did God create Satan? Part 1
by: Shelley

I'm glad to listen and discuss, so I'm glad that you are here and asking your questions!!

I pray that you continue to get a little more clarity each day. Sometimes I say that something seems "clear as mud." Have you ever seen a glass of muddy water that you can't even see through become clear after the glass sits a while and the mud settles to the bottom? That's the picture I get for you. Right now everything is stirred up and confusing to understand, but over time and seeking God, the "mud" will settle and give you a clearer picture.

I want to answer your question about Satan first today and then I'll address your other question another day :) You asked, "God is the creator or so I understand, so why create Satan in the first place?"

That is a good question and makes sense to ask. Actually, the Bible says that Satan was created originally as an angel and was created "blameless." However, like I mentioned before, God gives us free will to choose to love Him. This was the same for the angels. God gave Satan the choice of whether he wanted to choose God or choose evil. And he ended up choosing evil and was banished from heaven.

Ezekial 29:12-19 describes what happened to Satan, referring to him as the King of Tyre.

"Son of man, take up a lament concerning the king of Tyre and say to him: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: " 'You were the model of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone adorned you: ruby, topaz and emerald,chrysolite, onyx and jasper, sapphire, turquoise and beryl. Your settings and mountings were made of gold; on the day you were created they were prepared.

You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for so I ordained you. You were on the holy mount of God; you walked among the fiery stones.

You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in you.
Through your widespread trade you were filled with violence, and you sinned. So I drove you in disgrace from the mount of God, and I expelled you, O guardian cherub, from among the fiery stones.

Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings. By your many sins and dishonest trade you have desecrated your sanctuaries. So I made a fire come out from you, and it consumed you, and I reduced you to ashes on the ground in the sight of all who were watching. All the nations who knew you are appalled at you; you have come to a horrible end and will be no more.' "

See next post...

Why did God create Satan? Part 2
by: Shelley

Revelation 12:1-9 also describes what happened to Satan. Satan is the dragon and the son is Jesus. It talks about a "war in heaven" and how Satan and his angels lost their place in heaven and was "hurled to the earth" where he now leads the "whole world astray."

"A great and wondrous sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on his heads. His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who will rule all the nations with an iron scepter. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. The woman fled into the desert to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.
And there was war in heaven.

Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down?that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him."

Therefore, God created Satan to be good and blameless...not evil. It was by Satan's own choice to do evil and therefore be cast out of heaven. He is now at war and Revelations 12:12b says, "He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short." Therefore, I believe he does everything he can in the time he has before Jesus returns to "kill, steal and destroy."

Does that make sense to you? Let me know if you still have questions about this. I'll answer your other question later.


by: debbie

okay that makes very good sense, it would be the same for every person, they choose a life of good or bad, and satan as well as others choose the wrong the way to live, this is good i like it, however, does god not commit sin the second he throws satan to earth and burn him? he maybe evil but killing him isn't really a good way to deal with him. As a person who knows very little about 'the begining' and the reason behind the way god does things, what kind of bible would you suggest me reading because i hear there is many bibles to be read?

Only room for one God
by: Shelley


Basically Satan was trying to take God's place and become God himself. He was trying to take over. And ultimately there is only room for one God.

God didn't kill him, but Satan did lose his position in heaven. The Bible says that about 1/3 of the angels went with Satan...and he started his own "kingdom" so to speak here on earth in the spiritual realm. Now he has demons that are under him and help him. But, ultimately, Satan's kingdom will not last forever. Only God's will.

As far a Bibles, I use the New International Version (NIV) but there are other good versions out there. They have been translated from the original Hebrew and Greek language into English.

You can read the Bible online in many different versions at www.BibleGateway.com.


To live freely...
by: Shelley

You also asked this question...

"why does he consider me a sinner for being lesbian if he wants us to live freely? and happily?"

Again, this is a difficult question that doesn't have an easy black and white answer.

But, I want you to think about this question....what does it really mean to live freely? What is true freedom?

As I was thinking about this question I thought about my 3 year old niece, Lauren. And I thought about her parents. What would it mean for them to allow Lauren to live freely?

Will Lauren live freely and happily if her parents allow her to play in the yard alone close to a busy road? Will Lauren live freely and happily if her parents allow her to play with the knobs on the gas stove?

I know this isn't a perfect analogy, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say.

Sometimes what is best for us may seem restrictive, but ultimately it is to keep us from getting hurt.

Therefore, sometimes the things God asks of us may at first glance seem restrictive and that He isn't allowing us to "live freely" but in the big picture will give us more freedom and keep us from getting hurt.

Did you already read my article on homosexuality? If not, I recommend reading it here.

Praying for you,



I hear your pain...
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel... I felt this way many times. But I have coem to realize that God can not and will not control the free will of a human being. God is truly there to hear, to comfort you and to help you find trenght to deal with the abuse you ahve experienced. Hang in there and don't give up. You deserve to be happy and whole. Your words, your voice matters just don't stop talking about what happened to you until the hurt has healed.

Take care ad lots of love.

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