What an actual homosexual thinks about this.

by Shae Hinds
(Odessa, Texas, United States)

Hey, my name is Shae and im gay. Im 17 yrs old. I've been struggeling with homosexuality since I was 12. I was brought up in the church, been going all my life, so i knew what was right and wrong I just refused to "do right". Ive dated many girls since i was 12, im currently with a girl right now, but i am very unhappy. when i was 15, my parents and i stopped going to church. (my parents were unhappy with the preacher.) when i was in church, i sort of listened to what was being taught and it helped me kinda stay in line, but not really. after church was taken away from my life, that weak barrier that was keeping me sort of good went away.

after that i "went crazy". i started doing whatever i wanted, i started sleeping with multiple girls and dating multiple girls at once. i hurt many girls during that time and even i encourage many girls (and a few boys) that wanted to "find love" like i was doing, to become homosexuals, something i regret very much. The life of a homosexual is not a happy one, its a life full of hurt and pain, and DRAMA!!!! its ridiculous. after a while you "stop loving" the people your with and you just get with them "because something tells you to" kinda like lust, thats how it was for me. after a while i started getting with any girl i wanted even if they were straight, i would just pick one and go after her, eventually i would get her, usually it would take no longer than a week. and i didnt love these girls like i used to, i just wanted to be with someone and i didnt care who it was, actually homosexuality makes me sick. i HATED being a homosexual and i hated being around homosexuals, but it was like, even if i hated being a lesbian i couldnt change myself by myself, i was trapped.

if you're a homosexual and you havent hit this point yet, i suggest getting out of the game now. (and you must not be very active) its not worth it, and i know that you (homosexual) know you dont really like girls (lesbians) or guys (gays). after a while you start to hate your life (if you dont already). it happened to me, i tried many times to kill my self. i would jump in front of traffic. (buses, cars, an 18 wheeler one time.) i tried throwing myself off buildings and high places, tried poison, bleeding to death, stabbed myself, a lot of stuff.

Anyways, i have started going to church again and im trying to get my life back on track. ive started talking to other homosexuals and trying to convince them that being gay just isnt like it used to be. all the new people entering the game turned it into a fad now and are starting to get really crazy and "out there" (i dont talk about the bible with them just yet cause if you do then you lose them cause bible tends to turn people off...idk its stupid.) we all need to stand out and be ourselves. you hear about all the gay rallies that "we gays need to stand together".... well "united we stand and together we fall"....( kinda like the tower of babel) i have decided i dont want to be a homosexual anymore, but i still consider myself gay. i know its stupid and doesnt make sense, but it does to me. i dont want to hurt the girl im with now. i know she wont change by herself so im thinking if she sees me improve my life she might want to do the same....idk thats what i think. if that doesnt work then im planning on leaving her, im just waiting for a chance to tell her to her face, cause it hurts a girl more to do it like over the phone or through a text message. also i want to still be her friend after so i can try to help her see what a mistake she's making by being a homosexual and try to help her see that she, and all homosexuals, people who sin in general really, that unless we change, we are all going to hell. and hell is forever. and also the devil is there, and idk about you but i really dont want to spend forever in hell ON FIRE with the devil. also God has so much he can give us, all we have to do is give our lives to Him, and if you're someone who had tried to take your life, then something like that really shouldnt be that hard. and after you get a taste of God, you really want MORE and you begin to hunger for Him. "come taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him" (Psalm 34:8) i've tasted and i have seen that he is good, now i have to show it to everyone else. :D

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Zeal for God
by: S'ambrosia

Hey Shae:0)
I'm glad to hear that you're back on the right track and that you want to press into God. It seems like whatever you put your mind to, you do it with GREAT PASSION. Sadly the things you once put all of that passion into were destructive (i.e. homosexuality, hooking up and suicide attempts), but I know that once you truly get ahold of God's heart that you will be unstoppable! Just like you became champion for converting people to homosexuality, you will be a champion for turning hearts to the Lord! I believe it and speak it over you in Jesus' name!

If I could offer you any words of wisdom, I would say that God still wants more from you. When you make a covenant with Christ, your old self dies and He makes you a new creation. The things we used to do, should no longer be something that we participate in! God is so incredibly holy, and He calls those that follow Him to be holy as He is. Do you know what "holy" means? It means to be set apart. Shae, you can't claim to taste and see that He is good but continue living under the identity of being gay. That's being lukewarm and those are the type of people that make God sick to His stomach, literally (Revelation 3:14-18). You can't have your foot in both sides... God considers that worse than being completely rebellious!

You know which direction you want to finish the course of your life in. You said you've tasted and you've seen that He's good. You know He brings life and love and freedom to your heart, which was once held captive to sin. Now you have to take it a step further and renounce the sin that was once a part of you. No real fruit will come out of your current relationship if you continue to half-step your walk with God. The only thing that will truly speak to her heart is seeing a radical change in you, and the only way that can happen is if you radically drop everything you're doing and run after God! The closer you get to Him, the more like Him you'll become and people will notice! Girl, you have a gift of evangelism, I know it, and once you experience the true freedom of God...whoa.

pt. 2
by: S'ambrosia

I know you don't want to hurt your current girlfriend's feelings, but showing her that because you care for her you won't continue to cause her to sin, will speak more than any words you could say. I lost my best friend when I first started college because I told her that the relationship she was in was going to destroy her. It was really hard because I didn't want to lose her, but I cared more about her soul than I did about her feelings. Well, she ended up not wanting to talk to me anymore. This went on for a year, and during that year she got pregnant and had a miscarriage and was abused by her boyfriend. It wasn't until after she broke up with her boyfriend that she extended friendship to me again and we could go back to seeking the Lord. I had to do it again last year with another friend. It's not fun, I can tell you that, but it's so much better than passively going along with them as they drive themselves deeper and deeper into hell!

In order to be as radical for Christ as I believe God wants you to be, you're going to have to make some more radical decisions. Cut off the sin in your life, renounce it and claim that it has no more union with you. Repent to God and to those you've hurt. Make a new covenant with God. He is the ultimate lover of your soul and you are His bride. Essentially what I'd like you to do, is write your own vow of love and devotion to Him (think about the vow of love Christ made for you as He willingly suffered on the cross just so that you could be with Him in eternity). He extends this to you:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Mark 8:34-35

Bind this to your heart and walk it out in truth. Then you can live a life above reproach, where no one can say you live a double standard!

I love you girl and I'm praying that you choose life. God has so much in store for you!

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