What an actual homosexual thinks about this.

by Shae Hinds
(Odessa, Texas, United States)

Hey, my name is Shae and im gay. Im 17 yrs old. I've been struggeling with homosexuality since I was 12. I was brought up in the church, been going all my life, so i knew what was right and wrong I just refused to "do right". Ive dated many girls since i was 12, im currently with a girl right now, but i am very unhappy. when i was 15, my parents and i stopped going to church. (my parents were unhappy with the preacher.) when i was in church, i sort of listened to what was being taught and it helped me kinda stay in line, but not really. after church was taken away from my life, that weak barrier that was keeping me sort of good went away.

after that i "went crazy". i started doing whatever i wanted, i started sleeping with multiple girls and dating multiple girls at once. i hurt many girls during that time and even i encourage many girls (and a few boys) that wanted to "find love" like i was doing, to become homosexuals, something i regret very much. The life of a homosexual is not a happy one, its a life full of hurt and pain, and DRAMA!!!! its ridiculous. after a while you "stop loving" the people your with and you just get with them "because something tells you to" kinda like lust, thats how it was for me. after a while i started getting with any girl i wanted even if they were straight, i would just pick one and go after her, eventually i would get her, usually it would take no longer than a week. and i didnt love these girls like i used to, i just wanted to be with someone and i didnt care who it was, actually homosexuality makes me sick. i HATED being a homosexual and i hated being around homosexuals, but it was like, even if i hated being a lesbian i couldnt change myself by myself, i was trapped.

if you're a homosexual and you havent hit this point yet, i suggest getting out of the game now. (and you must not be very active) its not worth it, and i know that you (homosexual) know you dont really like girls (lesbians) or guys (gays). after a while you start to hate your life (if you dont already). it happened to me, i tried many times to kill my self. i would jump in front of traffic. (buses, cars, an 18 wheeler one time.) i tried throwing myself off buildings and high places, tried poison, bleeding to death, stabbed myself, a lot of stuff.

Anyways, i have started going to church again and im trying to get my life back on track. ive started talking to other homosexuals and trying to convince them that being gay just isnt like it used to be. all the new people entering the game turned it into a fad now and are starting to get really crazy and "out there" (i dont talk about the bible with them just yet cause if you do then you lose them cause bible tends to turn people off...idk its stupid.) we all need to stand out and be ourselves. you hear about all the gay rallies that "we gays need to stand together".... well "united we stand and together we fall"....( kinda like the tower of babel) i have decided i dont want to be a homosexual anymore, but i still consider myself gay. i know its stupid and doesnt make sense, but it does to me. i dont want to hurt the girl im with now. i know she wont change by herself so im thinking if she sees me improve my life she might want to do the same....idk thats what i think. if that doesnt work then im planning on leaving her, im just waiting for a chance to tell her to her face, cause it hurts a girl more to do it like over the phone or through a text message. also i want to still be her friend after so i can try to help her see what a mistake she's making by being a homosexual and try to help her see that she, and all homosexuals, people who sin in general really, that unless we change, we are all going to hell. and hell is forever. and also the devil is there, and idk about you but i really dont want to spend forever in hell ON FIRE with the devil. also God has so much he can give us, all we have to do is give our lives to Him, and if you're someone who had tried to take your life, then something like that really shouldnt be that hard. and after you get a taste of God, you really want MORE and you begin to hunger for Him. "come taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him" (Psalm 34:8) i've tasted and i have seen that he is good, now i have to show it to everyone else. :D