Working on it...

by Michaela
(Minnesota)

I started my battle with depression in 8th grade. That was the first time I had thoughts about cutting and suicide. I made it through that period with a lot of prayer and support from my mom. My depression wouldn't get that bad again until my junior year in high school. As a 16 year old girl, I already had low self-esteem and I began to get teased by some people at school, specifically 2 boys who contributed to my depression in 8th grade. I had a few friends who had cut and one day I just went home and decided to try it. I started using thumbtacks to cut my hips and occasionally my arm. After a few months I found a razor and began using that. I could go pretty long periods of time without cutting (about a month) before I started doing it more often. After about 7 months, my mom finally realized that something was going on, sat me down, and wouldn't let me go until I told her what was wrong. After about 10 minutes, I finally showed her my scars and admitted to an eating disorder. She took my razor and made me promise that I wouldn't cut again and that I would eat normally. That is so much easier said than done. Both of those things had become addictions that are hard to give up. The second day after I told her, I honestly went into withdrawal and felt so helpless because all I could think about was cutting again and how much it would hurt my mom if I did. In desperation, I e-mailed 2 singers from bands that I listen to and I was like, I know you don't know me but could you pray for me cause I'm really struggling right now. Both of them responded and said that they would. One gave me a Bible verse to look up and the other said that he believed in me and that I am loved. It's been about 4 days since my mom confronted me and 5 days since I last cut. Tomorrow I'm meeting with a counselor for the first time. It's going to be a hard road to recovery... prayers are much appreciated.