why

by Sabrina
(Texas)

I grew up faster than any child should have. I became the mother of the house hold at 6 and in the 10 years to pass I would learn what it felt like to be unloved. my mother is not there and she keeps her distance for she for fear of corrupting me. my father left the day i was born but he refuse to know I exist. I started really timid and i only brushed the blade across my skin to see the blood well up. Then my step father began drinking and life became... hard. I took every hit that I could and I stepped into his hitting range when he went for my siblings. I refused for them to be hurt. I taught them how to hide and how to run and if the needed to how to fight. I taught them and I tried to keep them safe until the state got involved and split us all up. I moved in with my aunt and I never spoke a word. I sat. I watched. I listened... It tried to be good but I was use to fighting and they beat me down until I wouldn't fight anymore. I became the shadow of life and I became suicidal the cuts became deeper and longer as time passed. Then I met James my fiance. He saved my life and I saved his and because of each other we are alive today... but I am only 16 and my family hates his family and they have moved me to my farthest relative so I shall never se him... I am waiting for him 2 more years. but its getting harder not to cut the longer I am away from him the blade is in my head and last night it was in my hand. I wonder why they cant see that he makes me happy... i am trying to see but... why?