ummm...i have couple of things...
I’m 19 years old now. I have been struggling with myself on and off. It comes and goes. I think it started since I was 12-13 years old. All my life I have been so skinny- even though I eat a LOT. I don’t know where it all goes, because I don’t even exercise. I guess it’s just how I am. I mean I don’t want to get umm…overweight either. I’m 5’ 5, and last time I got weight, I weight 105. I don’t consider myself beautiful. I just consider myself ok/simple. People, when they see me, think I’m anorexic or something. I hate people calling me skinny. Just like a fat girl won’t like to be call fat.
This is what I think about myself:
•I’m too skinny. Have no butt, no boobs. AND I’m 19!!!!!! UGH!
•I don’t look my age. I think I look like I’m 12 or 15.
•My face is mess up. (pimples, acne scars)
•My teeth are mess up. ( I need braces)
•I wished I wouldn’t use glasses. I barely started using contacts but… I can’t afford to get new ones every three months.
So I guess it’s basically everything. I wish I can change my face, my teeth, and my body. The only two things I like are my eyes. (Hazel) and my flat tummy. (That I don’t work out to have it that way).I don’t think I’m at least pretty or don’t feel comfortable without make up.
Not so long ago…I shared this with my boyfriend. He told me that I’m perfect the way I am. That I’m beautiful without make up (that’s how he met me in the first place) and with makeup I still look beautiful. But why is that I can’t accept it!? I wished I could fix myself.
But then I think about that God created me..I can’t be ugly. It’s a battle in my mind. Then I blame myself..I noticed that I am how I am. I didn’t listen to my mom when she told me to watch tv far, not close to it. I wished I listen to her when she told me not to bite my nails..my teeth wouldn’t have been mess up. I wished I listen to her when she told me not to pop the pimples. And my skinniness…idk about that. I’m the oldest, I have to younger sisters. And yet I have the smallest boobs and butt of them two! ….
I’m really trying to see what is beautiful. I know I shouldn’t care that much because outside beauty is only temporary. i'm like fighting myself.