There's more than meets the eye.

I'm a 15 year old girl. Not so long ago the smile on my face was real and natural, now it is forced and there is pain behind it. It's funny how things can change in such a short amount of time! Well, to cut to the chase, a few months ago I was having an absolutely terrible day. I felt like crying and breaking down in the middle of school but I couldn't, I didn't want to show my weakness and pain. That night I went home I wasn't exactly thinking right so I grabbed a pin from my corkboard and dug it into my wrists although it didn't bleed (I was too scared to actually inflict such pain on myself). I did it again though and that time, it did bleed and my addiction began. From that day on cutting has been my way of coping with sadness and pain. My way of seeing it is that the physical pain takes my mind off the emotional pain and it's something I have control of. It gives me relief. I began wearing bracelets and jumpers all the time. Mind you, it sure does a good job of hiding the scars because no one knows of what I have done and still do. The thing is, I'm not sure anyone would truly care. My friends aren't true to me and I'm basically a third wheel to them. I'm always left out and they just don't seem to care when they hurt my feelings, they simply laugh it off. I can't tell anyone about it because I live in a place where the word 'emo' is tossed around a lot and with the nonsense people label 'emo's' as is shattering- no one really understands. I have no one to talk to and cutting helps in a way. I know it's long but I had to get it out there. I hope at least one person reads this. I guess it would help me in a way to know I'm not alone.