The Hunger Inside of Me
Well I had my first boyfriend when I was 14; he was 17 at the time. We dated for a few weeks and I liked him SO much. When we broke up I was extremely depressed and I felt like life had no meaning. I was having suicidal thoughts and I started to cut my wrists. I got drunk a few times and cried every night alone in my bedroom.
I wasn't really Christian, I believed in God but I never prayed, read the Word, or talked to Him. I remember two different times where I was crying and I was thinking "God, if you are real, why aren't you doing anything?" Each time I thought it, a drop of water fell somewhere on my body - like it was God's tears for me.
I went to a new church with my friend one Wednesday night and I went up to the front when the prayer team was there and asked for prayer. A guy my age, whom I had never met before, prayed for me. He told me that ever since I was young I wanted to be different and that I was having suicidal thoughts. I started crying and that was when I was "Saved." About a year after, I moved to a different state after living in the same house for 16 years. My parents were gone every day and I did online school, I had no friends and no one to talk to. I started to get depressed again and was not focusing on God, although I felt he was still there. I had a very strong hunger for Him.
I moved to a different part of that state and started a private christian school. At first it was great, I had many friends there and the teachers were wonderful. Until spring break when I got drunk with two guy friends. We had no where to do it except a motel, which sounds horrible. I took my shirt off when I was drunk also. There was also a point where I went pantless at a guy's house just for guys' attention. Once rumor got around that I got drunk with two guys at a motel almost topless, I was known as the slut. Although I had never gone past making out.
My so-called "Friends" had turned their backs on me. They called me fake because I wanted to be more Christlike and I made a mistake. Some people knew me as "pants on the ground girl." Rumors started going around saying I had sex with those two guys and that I gave one of them oral sex which were both not true. I was alone and scared. I felt like everything would be perfect if I had never moved in the first place.
I finished that school year and went to my hometown for a month for my Grandpa's funeral. First I stayed with my friends, but then I realized that they weren't what I was craving either. It was God. I moved out of my friends and in with my Grandma. That was one week ago. Now I have bible study every day with my Grandma and her friend John. I am seeking Him and He is being found. We are still praying that I find great friends when I go back and God is still working in my life. God bless :)