The Hunger Inside of Me

Well I had my first boyfriend when I was 14; he was 17 at the time. We dated for a few weeks and I liked him SO much. When we broke up I was extremely depressed and I felt like life had no meaning. I was having suicidal thoughts and I started to cut my wrists. I got drunk a few times and cried every night alone in my bedroom.

I wasn't really Christian, I believed in God but I never prayed, read the Word, or talked to Him. I remember two different times where I was crying and I was thinking "God, if you are real, why aren't you doing anything?" Each time I thought it, a drop of water fell somewhere on my body - like it was God's tears for me.
I went to a new church with my friend one Wednesday night and I went up to the front when the prayer team was there and asked for prayer. A guy my age, whom I had never met before, prayed for me. He told me that ever since I was young I wanted to be different and that I was having suicidal thoughts. I started crying and that was when I was "Saved." About a year after, I moved to a different state after living in the same house for 16 years. My parents were gone every day and I did online school, I had no friends and no one to talk to. I started to get depressed again and was not focusing on God, although I felt he was still there. I had a very strong hunger for Him.
I moved to a different part of that state and started a private christian school. At first it was great, I had many friends there and the teachers were wonderful. Until spring break when I got drunk with two guy friends. We had no where to do it except a motel, which sounds horrible. I took my shirt off when I was drunk also. There was also a point where I went pantless at a guy's house just for guys' attention. Once rumor got around that I got drunk with two guys at a motel almost topless, I was known as the slut. Although I had never gone past making out.
My so-called "Friends" had turned their backs on me. They called me fake because I wanted to be more Christlike and I made a mistake. Some people knew me as "pants on the ground girl." Rumors started going around saying I had sex with those two guys and that I gave one of them oral sex which were both not true. I was alone and scared. I felt like everything would be perfect if I had never moved in the first place.
I finished that school year and went to my hometown for a month for my Grandpa's funeral. First I stayed with my friends, but then I realized that they weren't what I was craving either. It was God. I moved out of my friends and in with my Grandma. That was one week ago. Now I have bible study every day with my Grandma and her friend John. I am seeking Him and He is being found. We are still praying that I find great friends when I go back and God is still working in my life. God bless :)

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the hunger inside of me....
by: Tiffany

I know just what your going thru! the last month guys have been texting me and wanting "pictures" and at times when i was depressed i started to send some but then this past week we had a youth revival at our church and thats what was preached on!!! it all went to me and i prayed thru on it! :) Dont never let in to temptations! they will ruin the rest of ur life.. i felt soooo dirty and filthy when they kept asking and asking... i tried every way i could to just ignore them i told them to stop texting me and etc. but they are guys... and well.. the didn't give up to easily! i'll be praying for you.. and hope that the lord helps u.. he sure did me! :)

I'm so proud of you!
by: Laura

I'm so happy that you are seeking the Lord again! I pray that you will continue to grow in him and let him lead you. :)

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

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