Thank Jesus, I'm New (and dealing with assurance of Salvation)

by Cea
(USA)

Hello, My name is Cea. I was saved at a very young age, of 4. My parents and I, and my little sister, were having family devotions one night. We were talking about Hell. I got really scared. But I was too afraid to say anything to my Mom and Dad (which was very unwise, I should have told them.) Then I went to my room with my sister (we shared a room at that time.) and we played a game. I was still so scared and could barely concentrate. Eventually, I worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I went into their room and said, "Mom, Dad? I'm afraid, I don't want to go to Hell when I die." We talked for a little while and they asked me if I wanted to get saved. I said, yes, but that I wasn't ready yet. I went into my room, and thought about it. About 15 minutes later, I went back into my parents room, and said, "I'm ready." And they didn't tell me to repeat a prayer after them, or to say certain words, I just prayed from my heart...my little 4-year-old heart. Then, I remember, when I looked up at my Mom, she was crying. I told her, "Don't cry, Mommy, this is a happy thing!" How I remember this night from when I was only 4, and now im 13, I don't know. But I do...and I'm very glad.

My best friend and I both got saved at age 4. My pastors wife got saved at 3, and she is one of the most Godly ladies I know. But when you recieve Christ at such a young age, it's so hard to remember things. You may not remember how things changed for you. I only have the memories of 2 different things. One, was sometime (not too, too, long) after my salvation, I was walking up and down the hall with my Bible. My dad had just gotten up, and asked me what I was doing. I told him I felt like God wanted me to witness to our neighbors who were not saved. He told me that if God was telling me that, I needed to do it! So I did, and they laughed. I cried...but I obeyed. My other memory, is that me and my little sister used to play a game we shouldn't have when we were REALLY little. After I got saved, I felt SOOOOOOO convicted. I couldn't stand it. I tried to push my conviction off to the side and not think about it, but eventually, it became all I could think about. I begged God to forgive me, but I still knew that I should tell my Mom. Sometimes, when we sin, we didn't really sin against anyone, except for God. Then we still feel like we should apologize to someone, maybe a Mom or Dad, or a Pastor. Then other times, after we ask God's forgiveness, we know that it's over. It's in the deepest sea. But sometimes, I think, God wants us to tell someone, because He knows we will have a very hard time fighting it on our own. Of course He will help us, but I personally think God wants us to have a human being to be by our side, through the fight. But after I told my mom, I never thought about it again.

Now I don't know about anybody else, but I struggle with assurance of Salvation. There is a wonderful lady I know, and she helped me SOOOOO much in my darkest hours. I had a point in my life, where all I could think about was if I was saved or not. Now I had this point where I was simply asking, "I know that we need to look for these signs in our life, but how do I know for sure? How do you know that your saved?" Then after that pit of my life, I was in youth group, and I found out a guy in my grade was asking the same question...how do I know? That's what Salvation is all about...having faith. A simple but beautiful word. Faith. Faith can move mountains, if it's the size of a mustard seed. Jesus' greatest deciples didn't even have faith that small. Faith is believing without seeing. Believing that God has got you in His hands, even though you can't see Him. The devil tried to get me down on that so much. Sometimes I would just sit all alone and cry. I would ask God to save me...phhh, well probably every couple of hours. Getting saved young, did NOT help with that either. I would try to remember what I was like before I got saved, and simply couldn't.

First, I got scared simply at the thought that "what if I didn't mean it?? Then I'll go to Hell!!" Then the thought progressed to "What if I didn't mean it, and the rapture comes...I'll be left behind!! All alone!!" With a lot of prayer, I got over those scary feelings, and the Devil realized it. Then it became, without even the thought of the Hell and Rapture part, "what if I am not following God, and not serving Him? What if I'm not saved?!" Then, I started reading verses about assurance of Salvation, and then I thought, "Well I do want to read my Bible, but not all the time, I guess I'm not saved!"

And more than likely, you think that that sounds silly...and it is!! The devil tries to get people down in anyway He can, and this is one of the things He tries to do A LOT!! The truth is, we aren't perfect, we will mess up. We all do :) And that doesn't make it right. But, if you get scared, go to your parents, or a strong Christian adult. You can leave a comment, and I have a whole list of verses to comfort you, and to test you...please let me know, and I will pray for you...It really helps. Trust me...

Love,
Cea