Tears and Triumphs

by JL
(niceville florida)

For three years I've been suicidal. since I was 14, all I remember is wanting to die and hurting so bad I could barely stand it. When I was 15 I started to cut myself, I did it first as an idea not really expecting it to do anything. I had just lost my best friend, the only person I ever could talk to. My parents always fought, and I didn't make friends easily. The first few times I did it, it didn't do much but any time things went wrong I cut myself again. When I was 16 I think I started to become addicted to it. I just started my high school and the kids treated me like I was worthless. I started to think it too, I hated looking in the mirror and all I could think about was suicide.

Right before my 15th birthday I started writing to this Christian rock band called Seventh Day Slumber on their myspace. I heard one of their songs Missing Pages and it hit home. I didn't expect a reply but that day they sent an email back to me and I got a chance that night to talk to their lead singer Joseph on the phone. He encouraged me that night to hold on and I did.
I always believed in God but I never thought he would care about a worthless cutter like me.
I honestly listened to what people told me about God but I just wasn't sure. I knew God was real and He was who He said He was but I just didn't believe He could love a girl like me.

Seventh Day Slumber kept in contact with me from that point. Whenever I needed someone they helped me as best as they could.... but always pointed me to God telling me He was the only way.
When I was 16 last October I got a chance to meet them in person. I needed a miracle this was my one last hope. I wrote a suicide letter and if nothing changed in that night I was going to go through with it. I made up my mind not to say anything to them but the whole time before they went on stage I kept whispering please help me God, please let them talk to me.

Long story short... I got the miracle I needed. I gave my life to God that night... and after the concert I think someone told them who I was, Joseph came over and gave me a hug and told me he was so proud of me. Then the rest of the band did the same. I hung out with them for about 40 mins, we just talked. I think it got to be noticeable in part of the conversation that I was pretty down. Joseph just looked at me and told me "No matter what anyone tells you, you're not worthless. God loves you and we think you're awesome girl." There was a minute of silence from everyone and I remember thinking thank you God for this.

For about the first 6 months things were incredibly hard, but somehow easier. I did everything I possibly could to know God better and I prayed like crazy, sometimes it was the only thing to get me through the day. Since about 2 months ago things have been so much easier... and I know what the difference has been: God.

Comments for Tears and Triumphs

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You are awesome
by: Anonymous

JL - what an absolute blessing to read your testimony. Continue on with your quest to know the Lord. And bless Seventh Day Slumber, may the Lord continue to use them to reach the hurting heart.
I wholeheartedly believe their assessment of you JL. You are awesome. There's a beautiful purpose waiting for your discovery (it must be awesome because the devil is trying to keep you from doing it). JL, you might want to go to a bible study that allows questions/answers to teach you how to really understand the Word of God. JL, it's really the only way to really wanting to make it from the heart. You got to know there is a reason for your life.
God did a lot of things to show Himself to you. He used Joseph. He directed you to this site where you would be surrounded by a multitude of godly counsel and prayer. JL, you are not alone and you're so right, it was God who made the difference.
Be blessed JL - your story is an inspiration.

I feel you
by: Anonymous

When i was 14 i also tried suicidal.In t hat time i lived with my mom.My mom ignored us because she was supposably deeply in love with her current ex bf.Well it was depressing living with her.So one day i was left a lone and i popped a bottle of pills i didnt get the effecst till next day.If it wasent for my twin and my babe i wouldnt made it.I wouldnt be here commenting.They helped me survive trough recovery and they helped me get trough the dpresseion after suicidal

by: Anonymous

Hello JL! Read your insprational story again and just had to smile at the grace and power of our faithful God. So how are things with you - how are your studies at school - have you discovered God's plan (Jeremiah 29:11)? Give us an update precious.

Now to "Anonymous", wow, what a blessing that you also made it through. What a loss it would have been if things had gone the other way. Know this, God loves you; has a wonderful future planned out for you (Jeremiah 1:4 & 29:11). I pray that you would continue to learn and be strengthened in that Truth. Keep us posted about what's going on with you.

Both of you should be encouraged that your stories of tears and triumph are blessing so many others. Through you, others who may be hurting and considering suicide, are being told that they can make it - they too can rise above the depression - in your own words JL...

The difference has been - God.

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