Taking It All Away

by Victoria
(Arkansas)

My name is Victoria. When I was in seventh grade I started cutting. I'm not exactly sure what the reason was for the beginning of my cutting. I had always struggled with self image issues, that may have been part of it. Or maybe the fact that people started changing and going their separate ways and leaving me all alone. Either way I was hurting, and bad! I couldn't go for longer than two days without cutting I was seriously addicted to it. I always felt guilty for it because I've been brought up in a Christian household. So many times I'd promised God that it would be my last time and that I would never do it again. That was always a lie. Some people cut just for attention, not me. I always hid it from everyone. In fact nobody found out until I had been cutting for almost six months. I felt alone in the world. I didn't know what to do.

All these feeling that had been going on inside never made their way out to anyone, people wouldn't accept me if I was all emotional like that on the outside (that was my feelings on it anyways). So this went on for 2 1/2 years. Finally I told my youth pastor about it. He helped me out. But I didn't have enough devotion to God to do the things he was telling me to do. I figured I would get struck by lightning or something if I told God about these things.

Then something tragic happened. My friend Matt drowned. This made me feel so horrible. He was always wanting to help me because he was one of my only friends who knew about my cutting problem. I decided to honor him by not cutting. It's not like I never cut again after that but now I have completely quit cutting. And now I have a growing relationship with Christ.

I guess God had to get my attention somehow. He got everyone's attention! A lot of people got saved due to the fact that they realized that they weren't going to live forever and they should make plans for their soul. Matt's death was a horrible thing, but a lot of good things came out of it. It just amazes me how God can take something so horrible like that and make great and amazing things happen because of it.

So listen to God, because he's always telling you when you've gone too far and when you need to slow down and just listen to him! He WILL get your attention one way or another!