Self can beat it!


I first started cutting when i was 12 years old, my mums marriage had just broken up with my step-dad due to a very violent relationship. Our family was once again in a mess and none of us ever show our emotions.

I was scared of growing up and living a life which i knew would be lonely, because of my step-dad i couldn't trust men let alone marry one or anything like that. I had been bullied all my life and had no way to let out my emotions because from an early age my real father had taught me not to cry and i would get in trouble and have a smack if i cried so i soon learned not to cry.

I never had a way to let out my emotions and the bitterness I had towards the people who had hurt me was sometimes overwhelming and no matter how many times God nagged me to forgive them i just couldn't do it, how could i forgive the man who tried to kill my mum?

I soon ended up resorting to self harm it was the only way i could release my pain and the warm stinging sensation afterward felt like a something understood me, the next day i would look at my wrist and if i felt that there wasn't enough cuts i would cut myself again until i was satisfied that i had punished myself enough.

I managed to stop self harming and replaced it with starving myself then i would stop starving and start harming again-i repeated this cycle over and over. I did it so that i could be in control, but mostly because i felt that nobody cared- who could care about me? i was alone and would probably be to bad to go to heaven when i finally died.

However God still kept nagging me to forgive the people who had hurt me and then i saw a documentary following a prison and in it a man said that the thing that really upsets him about what he had done was that while he was murdering someone she said "God forgive them they don't know what they do" if she could forgive him then i could forgive the people who hurt me and so i asked God to help me forgive them and then i did.

As i did that i didn't feel as angry as i used to and i soon learned that self harm was more of a routine thing now and so i read my bible instead and searched the net for some good preaching and now i have only just broken free from it. God does care and even if no one else does i know that he does and most importantly will never leave or forsake us.

I still have problems with eating and body image but i know that God will pull me through that too, if he helped me to beat self harm i am sure he can help me beat my other problems! and if there is only one thing you take from reading this i hope it will be that no matter how useless, bad, unimportant and ugly you may think you are in Gods eyes you are special and you are set apart for a purpose

Comments for Self can beat it!

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by: Anonymous

That is awesome you overcame one circumstance and seeking to accomplish another. If you are seeking more knowledge from the lord you can go to and attain scripture reading passages that can enhance your spirit including many translations of the bible. There is also, this book called Sparkling Gems by Rick Renner. It is a daily devotion for everyday in the year. I think you can find the book on the website.

You are an encouragement to me because you are brave and strong. You confessed your concerns to yourself, but also to others. In my life I am ashamed and afraid to tell my peers and family what I did or overcame in my life. The Lord forgave me for my wrongful actions and loves me just as I am.

In Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ who strengths me. I believe that! In every area of my life. Academically, financially, and health wise. When my Auntie pasted away I could not believe she was gone. On the day she departed, I got into several altercations with people in my neighborhood.

My cousin told me I needed to forgive and let the anger go because Auntie would not like that and it is not of my nature. I had a hard time. I was frustrated and enraged. God told me I needed to forgive and have a humble heart. Well, a week past and I suppressed my anger. I did not deal with it!

When my Aunties funeral came my brother gave a speech that moved me. He discussed how my aunties health problems with diabetes did not stop her from seeing him play college football. She was fighter and forgave even who did her wrong. She believed God was going to fight all her battles. When my brother said those words, I wept like a baby. I asked God to forgive me for being selfish and not being a humble person. I asked to person to forgive me. You did that! You asked the lord to forgive from a personally matter and praying for you to overcoming another.

The Lord knows your desires and if you believe God can make things happen in your life it will. Just like I did when I trusted in god and his word. Like Philp. 4:13. He works in mysterious ways. I can say through experience. Lean upon the lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart in anything in life.

Everything is yours you just need to use the tools that placed in front of your. for instance, the word of God, prayer, faith, Godly character. You got all the tools to strive ahead in life. You just need to use it!

Well done
by: Anonymous

That is brilliant that you over came it but I don't think I can.

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