Pain, Pain, My Best Friend

by Bree
(Indiana.)

I was bullied ever since Kindergarten. I'm in ninth grade now.. I have been put down my whole life, I have been called ugly, fat, worthless, I have been told to kill myself, etc. I never had friends until this year, and those friends aren't too supportive. I did have a very supportive friend, but she got put in homeschooling.. I started cutting back in September. My brother lived with us and he hit me and put me down, so I finally cut myself, with a pencil. I made ten cuts on my ankle with the pencil, then I progressed to a steak knife, which I made 9 cuts with. I then had a friend that gave me a razorblade. I went home and made 28 cuts (Or shall I say scratches?) and then I then moved to cutting on my forearm. I then ended up having 132 cuts on my forearm. One of my "best friends" wasn't too supportive, but he did tell on me for a suicide attempt. I then was taken to the hospital, and put in the psychiatric ward. I got put in the hospital November 13, 2011, and the last time I cut was November 11, 2011. I then relapsed and eraser burned myself on my forearm once on December 10, 2011 (the friend that got me put in the hospital's birthday. I know he didn't mean harm though) After that I relapsed again and eraser burned myself 3 times on my forearm, January 20, 2012. January 30, 2012 I then relapsed and cut ten times on my forearm. Everyday I feel like I'm worthless, helpless, hopeless, ugly, fat, like I have no point in this world. I can't take it. I have to force myself to get up. I stay inside all day. Did I mention I am anorexic? I don't want anyone to turn out like me. I don't want any of you guys to get addicted and feel hopeless. I want you guys to get help as soon as you see warning signs of depression. I have faith in all of you. Stay beautiful.(: