never gonna escape from it

by Jenna
(Miami )

I have been dealing with an eating disorder since I was in seventh grade. I sat a lunch table with girls who barely ate anything, one girl told us as soon as she "shrunk" the size of her stomach she would start eating again. I quickly stopped eating lunch, I felt weird being the only girl who did eat lunch at the table, so I stopped all together.

Freshman year was the worst, the girls in my class were awful. They were just mean girls and all disliked me alot. During basketball season I would not eat all day than eat right before practice so I would get sick during practice. One of the teachers noticed how thin I was becoming, and so I talked to her about it. She listened and was so helpful. But I still felt like eating was the only thing I could control in my life. I would start eating regularly three meals a day, everything was would be great. However I associate eating with gaining weight. So then I stop because I am literally pertified of gaining weight. I know that eating won't make me gain weight, but I still think that.

Now I'm a junior in high school 5'9 and 135lbs. And I still struggle with it. I fear that this is something I am going to deal with for the rest of my life. I know not eating is bad and that I should eat more but the thought of gaining weight scares me so bad I just dont. My school guidance counselor has tried to get me to talk to someone but I refuse just like I refuse to admit there is a problem. I feel like if I just keep saying there is no problem, then it does not exist. But the moment I do begin to talk about it openly it becomes something I have to confront and address. I'd rather just hide from it and pretend its not real.

She has tried to get me to talk to my parents but i refuse. My parents are too busy with work and would just yell at me to eat more, they would not understand. Besides I already have people on my back at school I do not need them on me at home too. I dont think anyone understands that I want to be able to eat and not fear gaining weight but I cant. Eating = weight gain..

I want to stop, but I cant.

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by: Anonymous

WOW! This pretty much describes my life almost perfectly! I started starving myself in around 7th grade because my best friend did it. I also felt weird because she would give all her food away at lunch and then not eat and I would feel like I was eating soo much! And yes, 9th grade was the WORST year. I started getting bullied and made fun of! I'm in 11th grade now also. I starve myself on and off. Sometimes I get back into the groove of eating normally and then I get really scared because I feel like I'm gaining so much weight and start feeling fat and insecure! I'm sooooooo freaked out of being fat! I feel like the only way to control it is to starve myself! Wow, I feel like I can relate to EVERYTHING that you wrote! Is it possible that I could give you my email so we can talk? I've been dealing with this all by myself and I really just need someone who understands how I feel and where I coming from that I can talk to! Anyway, thanks so much for posting your story.

by: Anonymous

In the summer of 2011 i started to eat less and less.Now about 6 montHs later im 5'4 feet and weigh 82 pounds and thats an improvement from before, at 79 pounds. Im 13 years old and trying to get better. I've gained 1.5 pounds in 4 days. So if i can do it so can you hopefuly.

by: Anonymous

I started to eat less last year. Now I don't eat breakfast, hardly any lunch a less supper than normal. You can see my collar bone some of my ribs and starting to she my bones down on my hips. Should I be worried about becoming Anorexic?

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