My struggle..

I'm 13 right now, turning 14 in September. Ever since the end of March my entire life has turned upside down. I wasn't "fat" but then again I wasn't as skinny as I am now. I was always made fun of, called names, such as "big white" and other names. I was sick and tired of it. It all started off as a healthy and regular diet. I cut out all the junky snacks, and only ate about 3 times a day which is pretty reasonable. My mom always packed me a lot to eat for lunch for school; usually fatty foods. So I told her to start making me a salad. It had cheese and dressing on it. I don't remember what I ate when I got home it was a few months ago. Then I got obsessive with the diet and started throwing the salad at lunch. I kept eating less and less. Soon enough I told my mom I don't want anything to eat for lunch anymore and she was okay with it. I started not to eat breakfest either. Then my diet got more and more strict.. I only ate fruits and only drank water. It was now april vacation and I wasn't eating anything, all I did was sleep and rest. Whenever I got up I would feel very lightheaded and pass out. I had to go to the doctors many times. He said I had anorexia. I could barley stand up in the doctors office because I had no food in my body. The only thing I put into my body was water. I was and am still obsessed with calories and the nutrition facts on the back of every food. After that I started to get pretty scared so I started to eat a little bit, but ONLY fruit and that was only 1 or 2 times a day. I was and am still scared that I'm going to get fat if I eat or drink anything else. Everyone started to notice my weight loss and was saying how amazing I looked, all the guys that used to call me fat were now obsessing over me and calling me hot. This just made me want to keep not eating and keep excersizing. Soon I started excersizing for 2 hours a day. It became obsessive. Everyone started to find out I was anorexic and started calling me anorexic but I didn't care I liked it, it was better than being called fat. Than I started ONLY eating special k 3 times a day for breakfest lunch and dinner, I also still only drank water. I still do this. I think if I eat or drink anything else I will gain weight. I don't know what I would do if I gained weight.. I am never skinny enough I always tell myself I can be skinnier. If I feel fat then I take laxatives. I feel lightheaded alot, I get headaches alot, bad stomach aches. But it's all worth it because it keeps me skinny. I wake up very early now, at 5 or 6. I'm depressed a lot now and nothing can make me happy. I wish I could just feel skinny and be happy. I'm so scared I'm going to gain weight that's my biggest fear. This is all so difficult. I am obsessed with being skinny. All I think about is being skinny, staying skinny, "what if i gain weight", and its all so difficult. Someone tell me if you are feeling the same way? Thank you..

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your struggle doesn't have to go on..
by: Anonymous

I have been there and experienced every worry, fear, anxiety, depression, shame, remorse and unknown cause of behaviour. That is what this enemy called anorexia does - it separates you from people, make you anti-social, easily irate, erratic and consumes your every single thought day in, day out..till it eventually drive you six feet under (that is if you allow it to)

I understand your feelings and can relate, you have taken the first step which is admitting to it, but submitting to it is what YOU can never let happen, because to give up is defeat, to give in is surrender. You have to decide whether you have had enough of being controlled by your mind and receive or seek help, talk openly to close people about it and take miniature steps to change - it didnt happen overnight and it wont go away overnight either

if you are a believer in christ then you have the certainity that you are healed by his blood - for your struggle is only God to help - tell him you want to give up but you cant, and ask him to take it cos you SURRENDER to him and not this enemy..

You are an overcomer...

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