this year, i decided that i was going to get as close to God as i could. im sarah, im 15, and freshman in highschool. i had a boyfriend but gave him up.
my preacher was talking about giving your life to God and giving Him control. i gave my life to God and asked him to lead me where i need to be. i told Him i wanted to live for Him. then a couple wks later my preacher was talking about giving the area of dating to God too. and i had a boyfriend at the time. i asked God to take me and my boyfriend where we need to be. to do what He wants in our relationship.
Later on for the next couple of months, i was feeling so alone and confused. afraid and upset. i kept getting this thought "break up with him" but... i love my boyfriend, he and i seem meant to be. eveything fell together so perfectly, the way we met, love at first sight, everything! everytime we talked something seemed to fall together so perfectly.
for a couple wks i thought over it. is God telling me to give my boyfriend up? what do i do???
then as me and my boyfriend were talking on facebook one night, i popped up saying hi. he said "hey sarah..." i aksed what was wrong. he said that the other night, when i told him i didnt trust him, i really hurt him.
now that other night, i was afraid he might do something to me, so i asked him if we could just hang out with other people. i told him i thought his mom's idea of us not being alone, was a good idea. he was confused at first cuz at first i didnt like what his mom was saying. but i read Mirror Mirror Am I Beautiful and it really changed my thoughts on some stuff. sometimes my boyfriend would talk like he wanted to "do something" (sex b4 marriage, which i totally think is disgusting and wrong) he didnt understand so i had to say it flat out to him, i told him i didnt want to be alone with him. i cant remember what all we talked about but it was one of our "creative arguments" he calls 'em.
i thought everything was fine and ok, but then when he said i hurt him, not trusting him, it really hurt me. i felt like a horrible person, and i couldnt do anything right.
then a couple wks ago, i wrote on my fb status "i feel terrible, im a horrible person, and cant do anything right. im sorry." one of my friends, Shane, (who has had a crush on me for a long time...) saw it and got scared.
once i told him i had suicidal thoughts, just like him. so he thought i was going to kill myself. so he called my preacher. then my preacher called my mom. then everything went to "hell". i wasnt going to kill myself, i was just sitting out on the back porch. my mom was on the phone with my preacher and he told her to make sure she knew where i was. when she found me after screaming out to me to try and find me, she got off the phone and both my mom and dad sat down with me and had a talk with me.
i had to tell them everything. my boyfriend asking once if we had to wait. and then him saying he was joking. and the trusting part. and everything. as we talked, all my problems i've been having seemed to be coming from my boyfriend. i never got to see him, i loved him so much, and missed him. i havent seen him in over 5 months. my mom and dad said how my boyfriend was making me feel bad, and was hurting me. i realized he was. all this time, my love for him blinded me of what he was actually doing to me. i was depressed and hurt inside. i prayed and realized all this time God was telling me to get my boyfriend out of my life, and i loved him so much i kept trying to convince myself it wasnt true. i sent him a msg telling him to call me cuz i needed to talk to him. when he called me the next day, i sat in my room floor. i said hello and he said "hey baby, whats up? i got your msg" i told him i didnt have time for a relationship. yes, i didnt have time. i decided that i would get closer to God and my bf was getting in the way of that. not purposely, he was just taking up a lot of my time. my dad said to try mentioning that we should probably see other people. even tho i didnt want to. my boyfriend said "i dont want anyone else, i dont want to be with anyone else, i want you." and my dad told me if he said that, it might be a sign. and my boyfriend did say that... so idk. i could hear him trying not to cry, and then he said he had to go cuz he was babysitting his sibs. after we hung up, i sat in the floor and cried. i took off one of the matching dog tags i gave him for Christmas. i got us matching dog tags and sent him one. they said "Sarah and Nick, Forever & Always, 10-14-10"
I really really really didnt want to let him go, i loved him more than anything.
the next couple of days seemed like a nightmare cuz i never could imagine my life without him and now it was my reality.after a couple of days we were on fb and started talking. i found out so much stuff that made me mad.
nick had been breaking promises to me. he promised once that he would stop joking around about sex b4 marriage. and then when i told him that he scared me sometimes becuz he talked like he wanted to have sex, he told me that i should already know that he was joking.
so.... i didnt tell him this... but, he broke his promise? he promised me he would stop with the joking but he never did.
then he gave me an excuse for changing his profile pic. awhile back we promised eachother we wouldnt change our profile pics till we got some of us. well he kept changing his. i thought he might have forgot so i let it slide. then he told me that his friends kept asking him to change it, so he did. i was thinking "EXCUSE ME?" heck, my friends were after me to change mine too, but i didnt. i made a promise, and wouldnt break it. what a stupid excuse he had...
i still havent changed my pic, cuz i made a promise, and even if we arent dating, im not going to break that promise. a promise is meant to be kept no matter what.
so after we hung up, i cried alot, but... i felt relief.
now i have more time to get closer to God and i feel like im getting there. last night at church i knelt down to God for the first time and prayed, and during worship, i slowly but for the first time, lifted my hands in praise to God. as i was kneeling and praying, i told God its easy for me to talk about Him, but i didnt want to be ashamed to show people that i love God and want to serve Him. i asked God to help me. and i believe He did.
Giving my life to God has helped me so much. i dont worry anymore, i feel better than ever, even my mom says she has noticed a change in my attitude. im nicer to my sibs and to my parents, i read my Bible more, and im getting closer to God each and every second.
If Im meant to be with someone then God will take me to that person, or bring that person to me. But for now i am forgetting about guys, and looking towards another guy. one who loves me more than any guy could, and one who has help me so much. Jesus. God, my Father in Heaven. He is renewing me and healing my broken heart and I want to live for Him. if im meant to be with someone God will make that happen in its own time. i need to be patient and have the strength to move on. i pray for strength and guidance, wisdom and knowledge. I really hope my story has helped you. God is helping me in some many ways and i am living for Him. God is the way the truth and life. He gave me life, showed me the truth, and is making a way. Im following in His footsteps, and living for Him. God is everything. He has freed me. I love Jesus. He is helping me, and with His help and love, which I can feel in my heart, He is helping me through. Give your life to God and He will make everything right.
"Cry out to Jesus" by Third Day - look this up in youtube.