My story about self harm

by Brooke
(Pennsylvania)

I am 16 years old and I started self harming myself at 14. When I was 14 I was sexually abused by my cousin. It was the worst thing in my life. On top of that my family didn’t believe me...they said I was crazy and that they said they wish I would die. I still am scared at night. I can’t sleep I have to tuck my blankets on the side of me to feel safer.

Now my dad is an alcoholic. I would sit home by myself and he would be passed out and I thought he was dead. I couldn’t take the pain of seeing my dad like that and my parents constantly fighting. So, I started cutting. Then a week later I tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose on pills.

I woke up it the hospital having my parents telling me how I’m an idiot for doing that. So my mom took me to a psychiatrist. They diagnosed that I had depression. I never talked to him. And I promised my parents I would never do it again. My parents did arm checks to make sure I was cutting.

So I went to school about 3 days after that and I would get tormented about how I just wanted to get attention. "I was already getting that at home." They said that they wished that I really did die. I would walk on the bus being called a suicide freak. How cutters and people that try to commit suicide just try to get attention and it’s not.

I was in so much pain and I needed someone to help me and I had no one. It was so hard. So I went home and really needed to cut myself it was the only relief I got from my pain. Yeah maybe only 2 minutes but it was better than nothing.

So my parents went on how I was trying to get attention.

Today I have all my scars. And everyone is like what is that? My legs have cuts everywhere. I have burn marks everywhere. And I also have the word HATE carved on my arm.