Me: EXPOSED

by Leah (Righteous Awakening)
(Ocilla, Ga USA)

My name is Leah and I am 23 years old. Months ago God laid it on my heart to start a little something called Righteous Awakening. At first I questioned God; telling him "God... are you sure you got the right person??... I mean do you know the things I have done... the things I've been through... and to top it off I HATE SPEAKING in front of people"

I then Felt God telling me "Well... DUH I know... thats WHY I HAVE CHOSEN you!"

My life has been full of Ups and Downs... Highs and Lows... Most of my life I have felt ALONE, UNLOVED, WORTHLESS and just a sense of not belonging...

At 3 years old my parents divorced and even though they loved me, I never felt it... I never felt good enough or even special enough... I longed to be loved! As I got a little older I found a way to fill that emptiness inside of me... to stuff that hole of not feeling loved... MEN and SEX became my focus. I had no respect for myself. I allowed men to HIT me... take advantage of me and treat me as though I was NOTHING. These to things was what I used to feel "beautiful" and "valuable". I got my WORTH and BEAUTY from the opinion and comments I got from men! And as soon as I no longer felt the loved or the "new" wore off... I was on to the next...

Lets Fast forward a bit...

At the age of 19 I had a little girl and months later I was very discouraged that I had still not lost all the baby weight! I had began watching "America's Next Top Model" and the sight of all these "beautiful/Thin" women made me hate the way I looked... So I developed an EATING DISORDER... If I ate anything I would go throw it up... A year later I stopped...

At the age of 21 I hurt for something more... I began to go to a small church and became very involved. I was teaching the pre-schoolers and whatever else I could (Even through doing all this I still didn't truly "know" Jesus; I only knew religion) and one day before my class started I was setting up for the kiddos and I heard a door open. I got quiet in Hopes nobody would bother me... unfortunally it was one of the "top" deacons of the church...
He came in and began to put his hands on shoulders... dropping them lower til I felt so uncomfortable I got up... Following me he grabbed me and began running his hands all over me... I was TERRIFIED, SCARED... right then and there I wanted to DIE... Right before he began to unbutton my pants someone began to come through the back door... and what did he do... he Left
As I sat there horrified and Broken... feeling as though this is all I'd ever be was a "SEX Object" for guys.. This incident made me HATE church!

A year later I began smoking and drinking non stop... and I met a guy and boy was he HOTT! Lots of tattoos, played any instrument you could imagine... UMMMM... he seemed like my "perfect" guy a week after dating we moved in with Him and a month later I became pregnant... Neither one of us wanted it so I scheduled an abortion... A week before the appointment I lost the baby... I hated myself and I hated Him...

I was at the end of my Rope... I had lost all Hope in my life... Then Something amazing happened...

I met a man who LOVED me for ME... I didn't have to pretend... He LOVED me JUST THE WAY I WAS... He didn't want sex; He just wanted to LOVE me! He comforted me... He CHANGED my life... And that man's name is JESUS

Jesus Never gave up on me, even when I gave up on Him... He NEVER forgot me... HE LOVED ME...

It wasn't until I experienced the LOVE of JESUS that I felt COMPLETE and Truly happy.
Because Jesus Left a place of PERFECTION just to come to this world (For YOU and ME)-
People Rejected Him, Hated Him, Ignored Him, Beat Him... they even Killed Him...

BUT He did all this for YOU and ME! If He can turn a hurting girl like me into a WONDERFUL DAUGHTER- a PRINCESS- of GOD...

I have traded me Broken life full of disappointment, hurt, loneliness and worthlessness for a life FULL OF LOVE, HOPE, a SENSE OF BELONGING and VALUE...
God has set me free from my past... leaving me UNASHAMED of the person I once was...
I now have a Man who Is TRULY EVERYTHING I have ever wanted... He Loves me and respects me! He treats me like the Princess I AM.. He is an amazing Husband!

I am LOVED, ACCEPTED, VAULED, WANTED, and BEAUTIFUL... I am now discovering the AMAZING plan God has for my life!

...And know that if He CAN do this for me... HE CAN and WILL DO THIS for YOU... NOTHING YOU HAVE DONE, DO OR WILL DO will EVER keep you from God's LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. He has an AMAZING PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE! God LOVES YOU JUST the WAY YOU ARE!