Lost and Loving It

by AJ
(Vancouver, Canada)

I have a boyfriend. He's kind and sweet, and I love him. Problem is, my parents don't know. They seem on the outside to be very strict and sure of themselves, but I can see that they're scared of the idea of letting me date. My mom keeps pushing the age I'll be allowed to date farther and farther away. This whole thing is getting a little stressful and annoying, but I'd rather be with him than anything else. I'm going to say that everyone I know is allowed to date, but I mean it seriously. I do not know a single person who's stuck like I am. And I can't tell anyone else, since only adults will have the answers and all the adults will tell my parents about us. I'd just like some advice and opinions. Help?

Comments for Lost and Loving It

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by: S'ambrosia

The best, and most biblical, advice I can give you is to honor your parents. If they think you're too young to date, you shouldn't try to prove them wrong by defying them, but you should show them you're mature enough to obey. When they see you're able to handle their guidelines, they'll give you more grace. That's how it was for me. My mom was very strict and didn't let me go to school dances (including prom) and if she had her way, I would've worn dresses every day of my life! And boys? Boys were simply out of the question. I feel like I'm better for it though, because by the time I got into my first relationship, I was 21 and mature enough to handle it.

If you really think this boy is someone you'd like to be in a relationship with, be friends with him at this point. Let him meet your parents and get to know them (as your friend). If they agree that he is kind and sweet, as you say, then you'll have their blessing and it won't be the two of you sneaking around. Honestly, if this guy has the morals and values that he should, he wouldn't be comfortable with sneaking around with you behind your parent's backs. I think the two of you need to sit down and talk about this. Get out of yourselves and the selfish feelings you have (which sounds bad, but that's exactly what they are), and ask what God wants of you.

It takes a lot of maturity and humility to submit to your parents instead of following your desires, but I promise you'll be better for it in the end.

by: AJ

thank you so much.. its just that he's so sweet, and he's the only guy in my life that's wanted to date me. I don't know if can give that up yet. And he is sort of uncomfortable with sneaking around, but he doesn't want to hurt me. I don't know how to let him go. I don't know if i want to.

by: S'ambrosia

If it's worth having, it's worth waiting for. Don't let fear keep you from making wise decisions. I found this quote a while ago that I have to repeat to myself all the time to remind me to make those hard decisions:

"This journey is not about doing what we feel like doing; it's about doing what we must."

by: Liz

To me when I think of 14 I think of it as an age where you really shouldn't be focused on dating but more on like school, friends, family, your interests. Yes 14 is the age where you start getting feelings but it doesnt mean anything. All that time you are stressing and getting annoyed is time where you can be focusing on the things that mean most to you and the interests you enjoy. I think right now you should be honest with this boy and explain to him you are at a place where you dont know what you want but you would like to remain friends. In time there will be a time where you can date just for right now I would focus on you and your life and just have fun make new friends, try a new sport, read a good book, join a club something that interests you. Boys dont need to be your main concern you are too young for that.

by: Jean

Hey, A J,
I have the faith to believe you will make the right decision.
Ask and you will receive. Talk to God and your parents.
Talk to your friend and together with your parents.
Keep God first in all. Believing in faith for you.

Almost Same Situation
by: DaniLynn

I know how you feel. My parents try and keep a tight rein on me. I do respect their wishes. This guy I am currently dating has been so close to me for a long time. My parents made a comprimise with me...after meeting and getting to know him, that I may see him but only at church, our house(with supervision), places with our parents, or school functions. I know this doesnt sound ideal but still. If this guy truly lyks you he will be ok with this too. Hope it all works out.

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