Light At The End Of The Road

by shelby
(montana)

My name is Shelby Hannon. I'am 14 years old. I have been struggling with an EATING DISORDER for a while now. It all started when I was about 13 at the end of 7th grade. I was already skinny but I thought I wasn't skinny enough. I call my eating disorder ED. My biggest meal of the day was dinner. i wouldn't eat all day. But i would if i was really hungery, but i would only eat like a cereal bar or yogurt. Then i got to the point where i started exercising every single day. i thought no one was noticing because none of them would say anything to me about how skinny i looked, so ED thought i wasn't skinny enough. i was doing at least 100 to 200 crunches a day and i got abs. ED was very proud of me. Then when i would only eat half of my meal and i said i was full ED was proud of me again. The scale would tell me if i was happy or not. If the number stayed the same or went lower i was happy, but if it went higher i was mad at everybody, even myself. ED just wanted me to keep getting lower and lower and i was. In November, my school nurse weighed me and got concerned because i lost at least 20 pounds from the year before. She had called my mom and my mom got worried, So my mom made an appointment with a pediatrition. On November 2nd i was diagnosed with anorexia. I knew i had it all along but i just didn't want to admit it. Now that it was out in the open i hated everything in the world. i would always isolate myself from people and never wanted to be around anybody.My pediatrtion said if i don't gain any weight they are going to send me out to a hospital where i could help that i need. but i thought i would never leave. I thought that i could do it on my own, but it turned out couldn't. On November 16th i went to my nutritonist appointment. At the same time my pedatrition came in and said Shelby the best thing for is to go to Seattle Childerns Hospital. i got freaked out. it was like a dream. i kept trying to wake myself up but it turned out it wasn't a dream. i got into the ambulance with my mom. i was crying so hard, i couldn't beleive that it was happening to me. We got to CutBank airport and got in a leer jet. Now this was my first time riding in a plane. I was so scared. When we got to the hospital it was 5:30. i went into the ER. they were trying to put an Iv in my arm but they couldn't because my veins were so dry. when i say that i picture them being as deflated as a ballon. i stayed on the medical floor for 4 days. i then got admited to the IPU. thats when i stared eating 6 meals a day. i thought that was too much. sometimes i would cry. as i got more into the program i started getting use to how it went. My mom was with me every step of the way. i thought that i was getting better because i gained like 10 pounds. on december 23rd i got discharged right in time for Christmas. i was so proud of myself. i was home for 56 days and got right back into my eating disoreder again. i wasn't eating much. i was hiding food and dropped 12 pounds. i got hospotalized at my hospital for 5 days. then i got sent back to Seattle Childerns. i was so angry. i was lower then the weight before i last came to the hospital. i got admited on feburary 17th. this go around i feel more stronger then i have ever felt before.i gained like 20 pounds this time. i was more open with my doctors. they put me on some medicine to help with anxitey and worry thoughts. i also got diagnosed with anxitey disorder. i feel smarter happier stronger and confident. the reason i say confident is because i got a 16 year old boys phone number. he kept flirting with me and i kept flirting with him, and we went swimming together so it turned out that we like each other. he is a junior and lives here in Washington. right now it is April 28th and i'm still in the hospital but the good news is that there is light at the end of the road because i am getting discharged on april 30th!!! i am so proud of myself. i'm so glad that i went to recovery because i don't think i could of done this on my own. i know that ED will try to knock on my door in the future but i wont let him in because living with him is hell.