letting go

by cassandra
(maiden, north carolina)

ok, so lately God has been telling me to get rid of something, but i just cant..its nothing bad, but just something thats holding me back..what is it?its a pillow i made..why is it holding me back? b/c i made 1 for me and 1 for my ex-roommate..i had made her one b/c at the time, we were best friends, but not anymore just b/c of a lot of junk that happened during the last few weeks of school..im almost certain she's thrown her's out..but me, i just cant..i know that if i hold onto it, it wont change whats happened between us, especially since we're through, as in no longer friends, but i just cant let go of it i guess b/c im afraid that ill forget about all the good times we did have together..the friendship we had wasn't a healthy one, but it was just about the only one i really had, and now i realize that it wasnt b/c noone else wanted to be friends but b/c she convinced me that i didnt need anyone else..i now realize that i was becoming her..many times, i would hurt myself b/c of the way she and her best friend treated me, but i still held onto her as a friend, even though i had other friends...please i keep telling myself that as soon as i get another pillow made to replace this pillow, i'll get rid of it, but i have to doubt that i will..please just pray that God will give me the strength to do what i need to do