Jesus Made A Way!
(Penfield, NY, USA)
Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I had an eating disorder a little over a year ago. I had thought that losing all that weight would some how make everything better and I would be happy. But in reality it only made everything worse. I had starved myself thinking that it was worth it when, looking back at how much God has shown me I can see how selfish I had been. The whole pursuit of loosing all the weight was only for me. All I ended up thinking about the further I got into anorexia was how everything made me feel, how I wanted everything to go; it all came down to myself. I remember sitting alone in my college dorm (I had a single room) and I had nothing. I had pushed everyone away because I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of always making excuses of why I couldn't eat that day or the next. I had never thought about how my family felt or the few friends that I somehow had left.
Looking back at how Jesus helped me through my eating disorder I can see clearly now just how selfish the disorder makes a person. And I hate to see young girls go through it thinking that they will accomplish something good out of starving themselves. I bought that lie but I hope that somebody will read this and see that "having an eating disorder will bring happiness or fix something in your life" IS A LIE straight from Satan!
When I started reading truth into my life from God's word I began to see how I had been running so far away from love when all I was doing was to attract someone in my life to love me. God has shown me that no one or anything in the world could ever fill that emptiness I have inside besides God himself. He has shown me that true love is this..............
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
And during my eating disorder I was the exact opposite of all of the above. The last thing I was was patient (long suffering), I wanted to lose the weight and I wanted to lose it right then and I had no care for how it would affect my body which is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.") I was not kind to others or myself. I would judge everyone around me who I didn't think was skinny enough. And I was especially hard on myself. I was never skinny enough, not even at 95 pounds! I was always jealous of anyone who looked more attractive than me or who was skinnier than me. I would buy cute clothes for whenever I lost more weight and show off my new body. I was rude to others when they wanted to tell me in a lovingly way how they were concerned about my weight. I would get so offended and angry because to me it was none of their business. Yet, someone who loves you should be concerned. But I was so self centered I couldn't understand where they were coming from.
Like I said, all I cared about was myself and when it was all over that was all I had to show for it. I became so obsessed with myself and how much I weighed that I had given up everything else for it. It may sound dramatic to anyone reading this who has not suffered with an eating disorder but it's true; sad but true.It's no way to live; in fact it's not living at all. I ended up hating the person I had become and I had just created more problems in my life.
There is one last thing that I want to say from God's word that I hope someone will really take the time to think over. Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way that seems right to a man, But it's end is the way of death." If you are struggling right now and don't know where to turn but an eating disorder, consider my story. You are made for so much more. Don't give into the lie. Run to God and if you don't know Jesus ask a pasture or someone you know who knows God.
God is worth it.