by Jess
(Acapulco, MX )

Well, I´m not really doing this becuase I am working more on my looks. I have never been the person to go and buy make up or getting what is in. My parents can´t really afford to buy anything right now. I just really want to get close to God. I feel very far away from him. It´s like, whenever I pray, I feel like he never listens to me. I don´t know if he is there for me, waiting with open arms to catch me when I fall down. And that´s how I feel. I am sick of feeling this way. I´ve been so depressed, no one has actually noticed, but when I am depressed I eat alot of junk food. Mostly chocolate. And I don´t want to do that anymore. I need a change in my life, something that will open my eyes and see new things. I just need help. I need to get close to God. I can´t stand my life anymore. One thing about me, is that, I am a 15 year old worship leader. My family and I are missionaries in Mexico, and a lot of my life has changed. I have not christian friends, they´re all catholic. I don´t know what to do, oh and, I the only one in my worship group, and I feel, like I don´t deserve to be in the front singing. I don´t do it to be famous, I mostly do it to make my parents happy. It´s hard for me to feel, God´s presence. I feel horrible up there. It´s hard being alone. I would go to my parents for advice, but they don´t understand me. I am a teenager, they´re adults. They don´t know what I feel, right now, only God knows, but why doesn´t he listen to me?

Comments for Jessica

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I understand what you feel
by: Ashley

Hi Jessica!
I really understand what your going through! I was in my worship team and I typically did it just to go through the motions and go to church. I was also really depressed and I felt like God wasn't watching over me, and i felt so alone because I continued to expect the worst from my friends. I started to get better after I really wanted to make my relationship with God my own. I have a prayer journal and when I'm feeling distant from God I look through my old prayers and it helps me.
I will be praying for you,

Always There
by: S'ambrosia

Hey Jessica,

What a great reason to take this challenge! I know with all of my heart that God is looking forward to getting close to you as well. He loves moments like this when we set out hearts and affections towards Him, and He will give you all the support you need to help you get there. See, I'm proof of that;)

You're totally not in this alone though. Never forget that! You'd be surprised when you share that you struggle with feeling the presence of God, how many people can actually empathize with you and support you. I'm also a worship leader and I've been following Christ for nearly all of my life, but like yourself I go through seasons where I don't feel His presence. Usually during those times I get really hard on myself because I feel like I've failed Him and He's mad at me, but I think that's because I didn't have a right view of who God truly is. Psalms says that The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He doesn't get mad at me when I mess up or even when I question whether or not He's still near to me like He promised He always will be. I've learned that though He is always near to me, He gets silent sometimes. I feel that it's because He loves to see desperate hearts seek Him and if we really do love Him, we'll go looking for Him if ever we believe He's not there. Isn't that awesome? In Song of Solomon, chapter 2 or 3, the Shulamite woman gets out of bed in search for her lover even though it wasn't really appropriate for a woman do go out in the streets alone at night. She didn't care because she was seeking "the one whom her heart loved." I don't think we can really get a grip of what that does to God's heart when we act like the Shulamite and go searching for God, but I do know that He says if we seek Him we'll find Him, so this journey will end well for you.

Keep your eyes open for signs of His affections towards you. We're so focused on other things most days that we forget to do this, but in the morning, ask God to open your eyes to see how much He loves you, and see what unfolds. Don't base your relationship on how you feel because even in marriage, sometimes you may not feel loved, but that doesn't change the fact that you are. Your relationship with God is based on faith, which should be unwavering. Feelings change (sometimes within a few seconds), but faith should remain solid. Keep your faith centered on the One who is always faithful, and you'll find you're standing on a pretty solid rock instead of sinking into oblivion (that was a kind of out there analogy, but it was coming from Psalm 18, which I'd encourage you to read).

I hope this helps, and I'm praying for you.

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