its not for attention, its a feeling.

by Shayla C
(New Jersey)

Well where do I start? i found this site while researching cutting for my Health class, but there was no need for research. i knew all about cutting, i had the experience.

My life wasnt as problematic, but i made it diffucult on my own. I was neglected, and always thought less of my self, i still do. i thought my music was my only way out. But when you put your headphones in, the music can only play but so loud.Just like my screams. So what do i do? i recognize that no matter what, my voice will not be heard. so i started to cut. and cut. and cut. my mom got into an argument with me one night and tried to take my ipod away from me and i went in my rom and just cut up my whole left arm and she saw. she figured it was just a phase so i was threatend to stop everytime. but i didnt. my mom acted like she cared to take me to a psycologist but wasn't happpy with the fact that i'd tell a stranger everything but not my mother. O well, i knew what would have happend, i never would get the chance to speak. and if i did, i'd freeze up because of all the dirty looks and threats being thrown at me.

Where am i now?
i havent cut for 2 months but im ready to start again b.. my moms lil "friendship" with me is nothing but bull. She stil thinks im doing it for attention but im not.
Do i regret it?
No. the only thing i hate is that i have to come up with lies when i forget to wear long shirts, or even in the locker room when people see my scars on my legs or stomaach. that part sucks.
I wish i have and had the proper help to keep me in place, but i don't.