It started with a Cross...

by Abbi
(West Chester Pa, USA)

My name is Abbi. Im 17 now, and even though I am still young I have been through what seems to me a life time of troubles.

I am a pretty normal person, even though I have ADHD and Dyslexia. I go to a private school... and thats where it all began. I was in 8th grade dating a boy who went to a different school. But my best friend at the time was very manipulative. She was mean and relentless not caring who she stepped on to get what she wanted.

For me I am a timid person with occasionally acts of hyper acting. I don't really remember what happened but all i know is that i was hurt badly by her. I was alone crying so i rummaged though my room blurry eyed not knowing what i picked up. I began cutting. Next morning i woke up in pain and still sad to only look at what did the damage was done with...i was horrified... i felt that i had committed blasphemy. I just stared at that golden cross for a long time...

Moving forward in time until i was in 9th grade. my past love had ended and i had found one now that was a pathological liar and found pleasure in mentally torturing me. i began getting very depressed until that one day i was walking in to my friends room...what i saw, it hurts so much to talk about still today. My best friend since i was little, was laying against the wall bleeding. I screamed and tried to help him while his mother called 911.

ten minutes later the ambulance came... but he died in my arms about 5 min. earlier. i blamed my self for his death for a long time. i went into a deep depression. But i put on a "mask" so no one would know i was in so much pain. that went on for 2 more years

Now in 11th grade a few months ago i got in a terrible fight with a guy i liked. i began cutting myself 5-8 times a day with anything i can. i had been diagnosed with severe depression. my cutting habit has although dropped to once or 3 times a day i cant stop. its like an addiction.

i cant talk to my parents about this because i dont want to cause them any trouble but, i just needed someone anyone to hear my story and its causing me so much pain.