It never leaves

by Eric

My name is Eric and im fifteen years old. I cut myself one night after having a hurtful conversation with someone I loved. It really wasn't deep, didn't even break skin. But it left a mark. It became a habit, I would do it every day after school. The slightest provocation, the smallest problem would lead to me cutting.

I used a pocketknife that I had gotten for christmas. It was the only sharp object I had. I tried to stop by giving it away to someone to hold on to until I could control myself. This sounds sensible, right? Well, I gave it to the person who was the reason I started cutting in the first place. Bad mistake.
She acted like she cared. Might have even actually thought that she did care. I dont know. I should have just stopped talking to her the first night she hurt me. I kept talking to her, however. This caused nothing but more problems, and I continued to cut. I found another pocketknife, duller but it still worked. Eventually I had sixty cuts on my arms. There wasn't an uncut section of skin to be found in my left arm.
My principal saw one day. Called my parents, told them wht was happening. We went home and talked about it. My parents love me, Convinced me to stop. After the conversation ended, I had absolutely no intention of ever self harming again.
It was an addiction. I dropped into a depression and I couldn't explain why. So i cut. My thighs this time, so no one would see.
It got worse. I get addicted to things very easily. Which means things that are addictive to normal people, I will almost definitely become addicted to. My friend gave me a razor. It was dull, but better than anything I'd ever used. I used it for a while, then recently I got a sharp one from a different friend. I bleed a lot with it. I want to throw it away, but I can't, I'm stuck.
Im still at the stage where i can stop by myself. And I'm trying, honestly. But sometimes I cant help it. I've only cut seven times with the new razor.
That girl still has the knife. Claims she still loves me. All the while totally ignoring me and going out with another guy. I know she's not for me. I'M making no effort to talk to her, or even see her. If we pass in the hallways at school, I feel the urge. I know it will never leave me. Bu I can fight it, it's still possible to stop. And im going to try my very best to.
This is really not much of a story,but more of a message. Don't cut. Dont burn. Don't hit. Dnt take pills. It destroys you. If you already have, TELL SOMEONE. A friend. Trusted adult, anyone. Just talk about it.
I'm fighting this for you.