I'm Scared

You could say I'm a newcomer to anorexia. In January this year (2010), we went on a cruise, where we absolutely pigged out on french fries and cake. When we came back, I was 118 pounds. I was a little disappointed by this, but i was only 13, so I didn't care too much. My parents however had gained like crazy, and were keen on losing weight. Because running on a treadmill can be so terribly unmotivating sometimes, we decided to take up family taekwondo classes three days a week together. After about two weeks, they had each lost up to 10 pounds. I had lost 6. I was now 112, and really happy with myself. Because I was doing this three times a week, as well as dancing three times a week, I could eat absoutely whatever I wanted, and not gain weight. At one point, I weighed 110 pounds, and got really scared I was going to become anorexic. But that's NOTHING compared to what I am now.

During the summer, we went to Germany, and all i did was eat there, and when I came back I was back to 118. I felt like killing myself. It was all concentrating on my belly, which was ridiculously huge, even when I tried sucking in my tummy. Then i fell sick for a couple of days, and came down to 114. I felt better, but not good enough. Since then, I've been an excercise-a-holic. I now do taekwondo 4 days a week if i can, plus i dance 3 days a week, but have added on an extra hour and a half. But when i look in the mirror, i still feel so fat. I've lost a lot of weight, but all in the wrong places - my arms look like twigs and i have no butt. but my belly is still ginormous. Sometimes i find myself doing treadmill at 1 in the morning while studying for tests, because I feel so fat.
It is now september - we came back from Germany in august. I am now 100 pounds. I am 14, a sophomore in high school, and 5 feet 5 inches tall. I'm really scared. my period was supposed to come a week ago. I'm too afraid to tell my parents, who are practcally forcing me to eat carbohydrates and fat. all our family friends say i've lost too much, but sometimes i don't think i've lost enough. my friends say i look good though, which just motivates me to excercise more. i don't ever miss meals, but i definitely am decreasing what i eat. but sometimes, i feel so FAT.
i know i'm not at a good weight for my age and height, but i just wish it was balanced on my body a little more. i would definitely like to gain some weight in my arms and butt, but i want my belly to be flat.

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