I'm never alone!

by Shar
(Pennsylvania)

Hi, my name is Shar and I am 22 years old. I have a 1 year old daughter and a loving fiance. I know that God is real and I know that he loves me unconditionally. Without him I wouldn't be able to smile everyday.

At one point in my life I was very lonely. I have a big family and a lot of friends that really care for me and always have but when I was a teen I still felt so alone. When I was around people I wanted to be alone but when I was alone I wanted to be around people. I would cry almost everyday and I was angry most of the time. I thought I was crazy because most of the time I had no idea why I felt that way. I never told anyone but my best friend how I felt and somethings I never even told her. I got some relief from things we shared but it came to an end after senior year.

When we went away to college I had a nervous break down. I started keeping even more to myself. I started seeing a counselor and almost took medication for depression. I started to doubt God or that he was real at all. I didn't know if I believed in him because I was taught to or because I really believed in him. For a while I was just blank and I felt even worse than before. I slept my days away and shut my friends and family out.

I was apart of a Gospel choir at my college and I had gained a new group of friends through the choir. I reached out to them because I was so tired of feeling lifeless. They talked to me about life, and school, and God and the reasons I had been feeling so depressed. I had come to find that my problems were not really mine and that I was carrying the weight of my family's issues with me, and had been for years.

I started talking to God again because I was so completely lost I didn't know what else to do, I started attending church and keeping those new friends dear. I had another breakdown but it was because I was overwhelmed by God's love and that I knew deep down inside that he was real all along. I had been so weak that I lost my faith.

Going through that has made me so strong. The relationship I have with God now is so beautiful. I know that he loved me even through that, when I was unsure of him. When I thought that I was walking alone, God was loving me even harder. I had to go through all that turmoil, to see the sun. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing. Loving God has taught me how to love myself and those around me, no matter if they hurt, forget, or don't believe in me. Loving God, I have learned that I never have to feel alone, because he will never leave nor forsake me!