If I could change anything... I'd change my eyes

by Jessica
(Australia)

I have bags under them, ever since I was little, an inheritance from both parents. But I guess it was also my own sleep neglect that I had when I was younger.

My parents are divorced and they lived apart but at the same time when I was still little I lived with both of them. I changed from house to house. I basically had three homes: Mum's house, dad's house and school and worst of all was that I always left something at one or the other.

Anyway as my Father had to drop me off at my Mother's house in the morning and he had to get to work some where around 8 I needed to wake up 6:00am nearly every morning at his house which was about 4 nights a week. I hadn't always gone to bed early either sometimes, when I was really young I had usually gone to bed at 8:30 but then as I grew older to around the ages of 10-12 I would stay up to around 10.

I only live in one house now but I'm also attending a school far away, it takes quiet a journey each day to go there and back but thats cool cause I spend some good quality time with some girls from my school that I don't sit with at lunch or recess and wouldn't know that well if not for the wonders of public transport. What I mind is how I still need to get up around 6:30am in the morning, 7am is the latest I can risk.

But something to confess or admit is that these past few months or weeks I have been worrying, believing some of the lies of the enemy. For some time I was questioning God and asking, "God? Why have you ever chose me? Or loved me? What have I ever done to deserve all this?"

And I've gotten back, "Nothing."
It was grace.

This doesn't seem anyhow related to my sleep or my eyes but it does...

Cause now I'm also starting to realize is that the only way I can really rest, now especially is when I first rest in him and in his Grace. But it's still something I'm not completely used to... I used to be living stronger spiritually last year until I thought that I could see nothing happening in my life, I thought that God wasn't really touching or ministering to the hearts of the people I loved and tried to reach out too.

Now I can see how wrong I am.
Have you ever had one of those times when you didn't really see or appreciate something until that thing is missing? Yep, that's how I've been feeling for a while.

Like... Why? Why did I have to find this out now?

I miss being a tree, like spiritually; strong, still and bearing fruit. So I've gone from a tree to a small plant or seedling again, but I'm learning to even trust God with all the small I've got and am.

I still have a slight sleeping problem, but not as bad, maybe an outcome from abusing my sleeping patterns and all... Maybe I should research these things. My right eye hurts and I'm going to get it checked up later... My eyelid looks floppy.
This is my first outer beauty concern right now because I have a formal coming up and pimples can be hidden behind foundation! I love how that was invented.

This is a funny blog, I never knew my eyes could be such a big long issue/story?

May all of you find rest and peace in God, a women is most beautiful when her heart is at rest.