I want to tell someone but i cant break my parents hearts again.

by kate
(england)

Ok well this is kind of hard for me to come out with as i never tell anyone anything but i do want help now,

Basically when i was 5 my parents split up and were having very bad arguments etc my mum moved away so i was living with my dad, i ended up only seeing my mum every so often in the holidays or weekends. Me and my dad dont really dont get along and i have always seemed to put the blame on myself.
But anyway when i was 11 my nan passed away and i was really close to her, i saw her in pain she was too weak to survive an operation but anyway. In secondary school i got bullied because i own horses and compete them professionally and it would really get to me because the only thing which would cheer me up and keep me going and a sport i loved i couldnt even do that with the harsh comments constantly running through my head. i could never tell anyone anything as i didnt want them to think of me badly or tell my parents. i started cutting my wrist not bad at first just lots of scratches all up the inside of my forearm. Eventually my 'bestfriend' found out but sorta made fun of me and called me names which made me worse i then got addicted to cutting and everytime i got worse and worse. ill probably leave it there now but to be honest i feel now i need to tell maybe my head of year at school or something to get the past off of my mind but she will tell my parents and i cant break their hearts even more. please no nasty comments as i found this quite hard to explain.