I have gone far enough and i want to stop and i made the choice to

by Brittany B
(Texas)

i was a firm believer in no sex before marriage until i met a guy that was older than me. i've known him since i was 14. he was still older than me, but i was innocent then. i always told him i didnt want to have sex and the longer i stayed the more innocence i lost. i would give him oral sex, and then at 17 i finally did it. he didnt go all the way, but i thought to myself i was no longer pure. then i got back together with my first love and he made me happy. i love him, he loves me, and all that. it's a great relationship but i went out with him and we had sex and i feel empty. it feels nice, i wont lie, but not something i want. after i do it i feel empty. i feel wrong, not dirty, i just feel bad and i miss the innocent me, the strong me, the girl that said no. i missed that part of me. i told the first guy that i done it with that i was finished. he got mad and told me that he is going out with some other girl that would risk giving up everything just to be with him and i told him how romantic, but i dont want to risk going to hell to just be with u because of the sex. now my new bf, i havent told him. i dont know how but i know i have to.

-truth is everyone may pressure u to have sex but its not worth it. it's not, and if i could go back i would, but i cant. but i can start all over. they may tell u it feels good, i wont lie it does somewhat, but it's only physical and ur emotional part of u kinda feels bad. i know i felt empty and i still didnt feel wholeheartedly loved by that person. i just didnt think it was worth it at the end of the day. i wanted the old me back and thats what i decided to do.