I hate myself

by Samantha
(Albany)

I first felt the sadness in 5th grade, it went away when my friend asked me out, I felt loved, I felt good for something. And the mean bully in my class didnt seam to hurt me imotionaly so bad, Cuz i know he was just a ugly Lier... I felt happyer, and i spent my time making my freindships stronger, insted of wishing i was dead. But it came back agein, in 6th, now. I don't love my parents the way i should, there no help, mean, cruel sometimes, kids just use me, exclude me, forget about me. I always have to struggle just to stay part of a conversation in a group of friends. The anxiety attacks happen so much. I walk with short sleeves to let them see the burn scares, see if someone will help. But when they ask I just answer "I fell Down" they don't see what they really are, but I don't blame them. Today I cut, just 2 little cuts, they bleed a little. They seem to work better than the friction burns. I want to tell my boyfriend, but how? He's also my best freind and the one Iove the most, I can owe my life to him cuz he's the reason I haven't killed myself. I love him to much. I also want to tell him that. I have a.d.d, a sweating dissorder where my hands, feet and under arms sweet a lot and for no reason and I rip skin off my lips for no reason. I hate myself.