I did this to be in control, now it's controlling me.

by Emily
(Tallahassee, Florida, United states of america)

I am now 14, but when I was 13, I began cutting. The first time I did it, it was only 4 times, just to see if I could. The next day, I did it more. Then more. I tried to stop after three days. I made it two weeks, then right before the new year began. My resolution was to stop all together. Two weeks later however, I cut again. A different place. The cycle went on until I started cutting my stomach, which at one point had 35 cuts on it. After I tried stopping, I cut again a week later. Then, two weeks later, I started cutting my ankle. After a week and 120 cuts, I tried to stop. Three days later, I cut again though. This time as deep as I could, which wasn't very deep. That was the first time however I felt my body physically relax. It scared me. I cut myself 8 more times, like the first one. Deep. Only two looked bad though. In all, there have been 210 cuts on my body am currently struggling, since that was three days ago. I think my cuts are infected though, and I need to stop. Im going to get help soon, because I cant do this on my own.