i cut myself.

by adrianna
(columbus, OH)

On the outside i try to act happy when on the inside im desperate and very sad. I believe that im depressed because i am alone. I have found that every person i put my trust in ends up screwing me over therefore i tend to ignore people all together because i dont want them to backstab me, which makes me feel alone. I have one person that makes me happy, but he treats me like the bottom of his shoe. He puts himself before me, and only talks to me when HE feels like it. My family is very good to me which is the only reason i believe i havent thought about killing myself all that much.

I started cutting when i was 15, all because i felt like everything always went wrong. From school, to friends, and family. i tried drugs and alcohol, but the thing that helped the most was cutting. I only cut once or twice at first, and then everything got better after i met this guy named Greg. He made me so happy that i didnt have to cut myself. A year past and me and Greg still talk, while i no longer have REAL friends that i can go to, so i put everything in Greg. Greg has cheated on me, called me names, everything in the book, but i stick with him because he is he only person left that can make me happy in my life. Latley Greg has become more distant and doesnt even make time to come see me, he doesnt call, he doesnt even text me. So now im completley alone on top of that i have a broken heart. So now im starting to cut myself again.

The physical pain takes away from the emotional pain. I dont cut to kill, but i cut to give myself something else to worry about aside from my broken heart. I hide the cuts with bracelets when in reality i want someone to notice. Someone to reach out to me and help me with my problem. Cutting makes the pain go away, but leave scars that will last a very long time, even when you find happiness in your life. hopefully i can find new determination to stop.

Overall i dont recomend cutting, because its very dangerous and leaves scars that dont end up being worth it in the end. Life goes on and theres never a reason to kill yourself. I know its easier said then done, but you have to be a fighter and make things happen for yourself in life because you are worth it and you deserve to be happy.