i cut my self to take away the pain

by Nicole Jackson
(glasgow)

I started cutting my self when i was diagnosed with ocd and a sign of Schizophrenia , ocd is the worst thing that has ever happened to me its ruined my life . I think to my self why me did i do something wrong is someone out to get me i know it sounds crazy but maybe its true,the first time it started it was just a couple of cuts but then id ingraved words on my arm like HATE

i did manage to get help i was already getting help for my ocd but we started talking about how to stop cutting finally i managed to stop and my ocd was getting better i didnt do it for about 5 month but my ocd got severely bad again and i started cutting myself again i also started drinking most weekends with my friends and i started smoking hash iv just recently got help with the hash problem i was addicted to it but its getting better.

its not as if my family are bad or anything its was just my ocd drinkin and smoking took out the pain my family are amazing, anyway i ran away from my pals and was planning to run away but cause i was that drunk i fell and tripped and couldnt get back up eventually my mum and dad found me and took me home i was really upset and went into the bathroom and ripped my arms open from my wrist to my elbows they were bleeding really bad and it made me feel better wen i cut myself its like an adrenalin the pain is such a sudden rush for me even if its for 2 minutes ,

anyway i stumbled back to my bed my sister was in her bed and when she got up she saw the my covers were soaked in blood and my pajamas she went and told my mum because she was afraid i would bleed to death but thats what i wanted, my mum came and cleaned me up then i remember waking up in the morning wisin i never lived , ive tried suicide lots of times some they dont know about the others i was rushed to hospital im getting help but my family are amazing

i still cut myself sometimes but im trying not to its hard my ocd is still here it always will be but hopefully one day it wont be as bad i just want everyone to know there is help out there i hated talking to people at first i had to male psychiatrists but i didnt like talking to men so if u dont u can ask for females it helps in the end im going to be scarred for life

i just hope my story will help people understand u can be helped and even if it stops one person from cutting that would make a big difference i cant wear short sleeves anymore you dont want to be like that so please just ask for help it really will make a difference.