I am expected to be perfect but I am not...

by Ami
(United States)

I don't have any friends right now. I am home-schooled, I don't go to church, and I was recently hit by a car while walking (the driver of the car was at fault). Ever since the car accident I have been in a lot of pain. So, all my athletic activities have been put on hold. I used to be in regular school and I had the best grades until my last year. My last teacher did not teach things right and I pretty much had to relearn everything from the beginning once I began homeschooling. I am now taking classes through the internet with a sort of virtual classroom. It takes me a typical 8 hours to watch the lessons and take an hour brake. I really like the virtual classes because the teacher really breaks things down for me to understand. But I have a lot more responsibilities than the typical teenager (for instance we can't get to the laundromat so I have to wash laundry by hand). Everyone thinks that all home-schoolers have only 4 hours of school a day so work and responsibilities are just piled on me. I am behind on housework. My papers are not filed because I procrastinate because I am afraid I won't do it right. I am starting to fall behind in schoolwork but I am afraid to ask my parents for help because they will know I am not smart (they are going to find out anyway if I don't catch up by the end of the month). I used to be so athletic and thin but since the accident I am in too much pain to exercise and I am just disgusted with myself. All my friends left me (except one) last time I gained weight. I became extremely ill after they left me I constantly cried and the doctor wanted me to stay in bed for a month. I finally lost my last friend. All I was left with was bittersweet memories and I really loved them all. I am not really interested in boys so a lot of girls think I am gay so they will not be my friend.

I am so afraid to start anything because I am not as good as I used to be. If my current best is not as good as my old best is it still my best? Should I even bother trying if I am not good enough?

Sorry about the long question.