How to stay pure when you know he is the one.

My boyfriend and I are both juniors in high school. I go to the local public school and he goes to a private Christian school. We go to the same church and our families are very close. We both want to go into ministry one day. He is my best friend and I can honestly say I love him. We pray together and talk about everything. Before we started dating (about 7 months ago) we talked about marriage and how that is our overall goal and we see no point in dating if that isn't our intent. We have sat down with all 4 parents and came up with rules to help us stay Christ centered, pure, and have our families be a huge part of our relationship. We both play sports and love God. We have kissed and cuddled by the firepit with our families, but when we are alone how are we to stay pure for 6 years until we are ready to get married? That is a long time!!!

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Never Alone
by: S'ambrosia

I'm really impressed with the relationship you have with your boyfriend and how involved both of your parents are. The only thing that threw red flags up for me was the question of what to do when you're alone. My answer: You shouldn't ever be alone!

The easiest way to maintain purity in your relationship is to make sure that you're never alone. Ask most couples that went down this road together, and they'll tell you that they made that a rule (like the ones you made with your parents). I've even heard of one guy who went as far as to open up the garage door and pull the couch to the garage to watch a movie with his girlfriend since no one else was home. That couple knew that if they were alone watching a movie together, anything could happen. Many girls and guys with good intentions have slipped up, so this is a great safeguard for the both of you.

With everything else you have set up, I think you'll be great. Make sure to keep your eyes fixed on Christ and those dreams of serving Him together could become a reality.

Pure for 7 Years and then married!
by: Anonymous

My husband and I waited until we were married to make love.
You are a total gift to your husband and he to you in marriage and before that, you cannot completely give yourself to the other.

We knew that we were the ones for each other. We also knew that our love would be deeply hurt if we gave in to our temptations and did not follow our hopes to remain pure.
God first, Us second.
We kept our wedding night in focus. Our goal was to remain pure...because that was the greatest gift we could give to each other.

We wanted our faith, our convictions, and statistics to all be on our side because our plan was (and is!!) to be married forever!

I applaud you for being so open with your family and each other. This is a big step in remaining pure. Fight the desire (esp. in college) to spend time alone together...esp. at night!
Make rules for yourselves that you agree on and stick to them...give yourselves a curfew, spend time in groups. You need to be able to talk and pray with each other but if you are distracted by temptations with each other while alone...pray in the church and talk on walks...

Make rules about clothing...might I suggest no bikinis!! Modest swimsuits...there is a allow each other to be in each others' presence in the skimpiest clothing you allow yourself to wear in public...which means, if that is not modest, and you wear that in private with your are putting each other in near occasion of sin.

Your desire will be for each other and it is normal and part of the natural law.
My husband suggests that you focus on school as a functional, productive, distraction from physical.

You can make it!!! We knew in the deepest parts of our hearts that if we gave in to our temptations, we would hurt our future and that hurt might lead to break up...

Our wedding night was wonderful!!! I had a terrible headache from wearing my dress, dancing and singing all evening...but I took a long bath and then we were alone. It was the first time for both of us and so a bit awkward physically...but We were with our loves!!! And...this is what the honeymoon was going to be all about! We had so much fun learning all these new things about each other after 7 years...
And the hug my mom gave me the next morning at the gift opening...because she knew we had was priceless!!!

Pray for purity of heart. God will not disappoint you!!

We did it..more on chastity and purity
by: Anonymous

About chastity and purity.
A few other things...I've learned.
Though we were chaste until marriage, I opted to use the birth control pill during our marriage.
I deeply regret this. Fortunately, I had some medical issues with the pill so I could not use it for long...but later, I learned that the pill can act as an abortifacient...meaning, that if you and your husband, who you waited 7 years for, get pregnant on the pill while in your beautifully chaste marriage, your uterine lining will be unable to allow implantation (this is a mechanism of the pill) and the "two shall become one" little baby, will pass right out of you.

We have 9 children...5 alive and 4 in heaven...
We are open to life, use Natural Family Planning ( to learn about my cycle, and trust God with the blessings He brings us while doing nothing contraceptive to interfere with the total gift of ourselves one to the other...
The book Life Giving Love, by Kimberly Hahn was such an inspiration to me as a married woman. I would have loved to have read it as a young lady a waiting :-)

God Bless

A correction
by: I care

Thanks to all of you for talking about purity. We, too, waited until our wedding night---what an amazing gift.

In my work, we promote abstinence until marriage, or as I prefer it, valuing ourselves sexually as God wants us to be valued.

However, may I correct the statement that classified the pill as an abortifacient? I work with doctors and nurses and have researched their answer. They state (and remember, these are all abstinence advocates) that the pill works by preventing ovulation. No egg is released to be fertilized. Therefore, it does not cause an early abortion, something that is abhorrent to me.

On the other hand, the morning-after pill, as well as the new pill, Ella, might indeed cause an early abortion. The morning-after pill can work in three ways: It can change the ability of the egg to be fertilized, it can change the factors speeding it through the fallopian tubes, or it can
stop a newly-fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus, causing an early abortion. There is no way to predict or diagnose how it may have worked in any particular situation. IT WILL NOT WORK IF YOU ARE ALREADY PREGNANT! Ella is a form of this morning-after pill, but it contains some of the same drugs as RU-486, the 'chemical abortion' pill. RU-486 must be prescribed and administered by a doctor.

Another abortifacient would be the class of IUD's or IUC's that are placed in the uterus once a woman has had a baby. These can have an effect on the sperm meeting the egg, but they can also irritate the endometrium, stopping a fertilized egg from implanting. That is why we feel it is important to understand precisely how birth control, including natural family planning, in marriage works.

By no means do I advocate using the pill in marriage if it is against your beliefs. Nor would I want a sister in Christ to worry unnecessarily about having caused an abortion. Information must be accurate, and accuracy honors God's truth.

Finally, if you have had sex outside of marriage, you can renew your resolve to be pure, called secondary virginity. Please know God forgives and treasures you. He wants His good gifts for you.

Blessings to you all.

Right decision
by: Anonymous

Staying pure for my future husband is something that I am really striving to do. I've grown up in a family where having intimate relationships is common, so the stress to stay pure is extremely hard. I'm so happy to know that your boyfriend and you have decided to stay pure. It's a decision you will not regret!

Secondary virgin?
by: Purity seems impossible for me

Wow that was pretty amazing you beautiful women who took time to share your stories. I'm so blessed and at the same time I envy you because I can never devote myself to stay pure for my future because I already committed this sexual sin over and over again with my Bf. I understood the consequences everytime I choose evil desires - possible pregnancy, not honoring God, hindering to fully worship God etc etc I tried to stop it many times but I struggled and always fell for the temptations no matter where we were or who with our desire was too strong for each other we would find a way. I kept telling myself that he was my first and hope the last as well because I hope to marry him one day probably in 3 or 5 years. My struggle is how to keep from sinning and is it possible to be pure again?

To the Last Person to Post:)
by: S'ambrosia

It's so good that you have a desire to do what's right so you can honor God your life. I'm also very happy to tell you that it is possible to be pure again. Even though you've lost your physical purity, when you repent of your sin and ask God to purify you, He totally wipes your slate clean. As with any sin, once He forgives you He casts your sin as far away as the east is from the west and remembers it no more. He won't bring it up again, so you don't have to either. So you don't have to be envious of others, because you have been completely cleaned and given the same status as them: pure.

As for your question on how to keep from sinning, my suggestions would be to sit down and come up with personal standards that you can hold yourself to while in relationships. Whatever has led its way toward sex in the past should be off limits and I would encourage you to go even one step further than that. If making out leads to sex, set a standard that says you won't even engage in kissing period. Some people can't handle certain things like even holding hands, so you really need to pray about the limits that God wants you to set.

Once you've done that, take your list of standards to your boyfriend and if he does not agree or tries to get you to compromise, you should consider getting out of that relationship. It's great that you want to do what's right, but if he doesn't, I can almost guarantee that things won't change too much for you. If you know at this point already that he doesn't desire the same thing that you do (to honor God), then I think you know what needs to happen. I hope you experience the peace and freedom that comes with repenting and turning from your old ways. Keep us updated okay? Much love.

Attempting to be pure again...hope!
by: Purity seems impossible for me

Thank you so much for the encouragement :) I felt so hopeful now to be pure and cleanse once again. 
I'm actually taking this course from this website -  (sexual purity online coarse- way to purity) so I can challenge myself to be pure again.( I really recommend this to everyone who is trying to break free from your habitual sins) For the past few weeks I've been nearly consistent spending time with God by reading my bible, devotionals, listening to podcast and taking this coarse' way to purity' so I'm beggining to see more what are  righteous and what are the wicked ways. Just like black and white. Somehow even how much I desired and tried to be pure and choose Godly ways when it comes to my habitual sinning(sleeping with my Bf) I still fell because maybe I was not strong enough, chose the worldly pleasure and chose to satisfy myself and my partner. However, I also feel like the more I spend time with him I know I'm planting seeds in me and hopeful that I will get there to be pure and will one day have that intimate relationship with God. I think this is possible and I can feel like in my heart God has something great plan for me and for each of everyone. 

by: S'ambrosia

I'm so glad to hear that your intimacy with the Lord is developing into something greater each and every day. Keep your eyes focused on the prize and I'm always availiable on the site or at Feel free to stay in contact if you need prayer support or have any questions. Much love♥

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