How do you know when you need to tell those around you?

When I was 7 my sister that was 18 married a guy that I adored. He was the big brother that I always wanted. When I was 12 or 13 he started making comments about the changes that were happening to my body. I didn't think too much about it but it continued and after my sister had their third child he persuaded me to perform oral sex on him. I felt that is was wrong but I trusted him because he was "my big brother" and only wanted the best for me, right? That happened a few more times before he tried to have intercourse with me. I don't know why he stopped but he did and I remember him saying that he stopped because he didn't want to hurt me...but that had already happened. My life has seemed to go pretty smooth considering this and the fact that my mother is bipolar and my dad was an alcoholic growing up. I have realized recently that this may not have happened to me if I hadn't had such low self esteem and not been having problems at home. I think he saw this in me and used it to his advantage. The ways he acts and talks about women you'd think that most people would pick up on all the "red flags", my husband wasn't shocked when I told him about the things that had happened. I am now wondering if I should confront him and the rest of my family and tell them everything. I have a friend that I have shared this information with and she is determined that I should...what if it has happened to someone else? Isn't my fault if I don't come forth with my information?

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My story
by: Anonymous

I have a similar story, only I was younger, and it was my step father. He didn't ever have me touch him but he fingered me and would rub all over me. He also did it to my sister, and I didn't even know it was wrong because he was someone that was suppose to take care of me and I didn't remember having a dad in the house, I just thought it was something a dad was supposed to do... Anyway, I never had to tell anyone, because he did it to my sisters friend, and her parents contacted the police.

The bottom line is that he could be doing it to his own children, your nieces. Or, he might do it to your children. The scariest thing is that your sister might not believe you, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but if she loves him she won't want to think that he is capable of something like that. Or she might know he is capable and be really hurt that he did it to you, I don't know. But for the protection of those you care about, I think you should tell your family. Even if they don't believe you, if someone else ever comes forward, then they will be more likely to believe them. Talk with your husband and see what he says.

Be a Woman of Virtue!
by: Keza

WOW this is a hard one I have never dealt with a situation like this in my 36 years.
But what I will say is if you are an adult and married yourself and this is still bothering
you then in order for you to be free from it is to tell. However you have to realize there will
be questions such as" what took you so long to tell ", and "why are you doing it now." Not only
that, how is your relationship with your sister and is it strong enough to withstand this type
of information. You really have to be really clear if you want to open this. Being that I have never been
in a situation like this I can not advise you too well but I know that you will want to weigh the pro's
and the con's of you opening this. I do think that if you tell it will release allot of pain and hurt and resentment
and any other emotions you may be feeling do to this situation from years ago. Good luck with this and
I will be praying and you should as well. Ask God to guide you and listen to His voice if this has and keeps on
hunting you then you may need to tell, and you may want to talk to GOD for that direction, his Advice is always

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