God is always there
I never really thought that I had a “testimony”, until I actually sat down and looked back at the events of my life and saw Gods hand in all of it.
I had a relatively happy childhood. I grew up in a Christian home; and my father was a wonderful and generous man… until he started drinking. Growing up in an alcoholic environment has its many challenges. I felt the need to control everything around me, constantly sought out the approval of others, avoided conflict and had a huge fear of abandonment, among other common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics.
Needless to say I didn’t have the best father-daughter relationship and would cringe when I would see a father hugging his daughter; perfectly normal behavior which was completely alien to me. In true “text book” style I desperately craved male attention. Which was difficult, as I was not considered pretty by conventional standards.
I went through my entire high school career boyfriendless; which is, for a teenage girl, a fate worse than death. When I finally got my first boyfriend 4 years out of high school, I was so happy (and shocked) that I didn’t recognize that I was in a toxic relationship, or that he only wanted to date me for one thing(he was not a Godly man). I foolishly lost my virginity after giving into the constant pressure. The Holy Spirit was not whispering to me in a still small voice, but screaming at me to get out, but I ignored Him. There were many situations where God provided a way out for me, but I was looking outward for my sense of self worth and ignoring the only Man in my life who could really give me that.
My family and friends didn’t get on with him which should have been a big enough sign. But when you’re desperate for love and attention, you make foolish decisions.
However, God decided to step in and moved him to another country. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. There was a spiritual bond that had been made (but not with the right man) and I felt God had abandoned me. But what I love most about my Lord is that He always knows what’s best for His children. A year later I met my wonderful, loving, God fearing and gorgeous husband! He keeps His best for us.
I continually grow in my relationship with Jesus and, though still a work in progress, I have come to learn that my identity is not reliant on my father or my husband (no matter how lovely he is) but only reliant on what my Savior thinks about me. And He calls all His daughters beautiful!
“A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” Proverbs 31:10 Amplified Bible.