Feel fat....

by Liliana

This is sort of an awkward, odd thing for me to do. Im ususally not the type of person who needs help, usually the one who gives advice, but maybe things are starting to change.

since like ever I've been really obsessed with my weight, and always being skinny. I remember when I was 8 I used to wear long sleeve shirts, even in the summer, to cover my chubby arms. As a kid from 8 to about 13, I've always been sort of chubby. My weight would constantly go up and down and up and down and the cycle continued. I never really got into dieting until I turned eleven, and I sort of went crazy. Every new diet I aimed at and shot for, and I lost about 8 pounds going into the 6th grade. I was constantly dieting because I was never pleased with the way I looked. I wasn't liked very much in school and I felt it was because of my weight. My Mom didnt help at all, and she still doesnt. She's always been this beautiful blonde cheerleader whos as skinny as a twig and can make friends in an airport at 3 a.m.
But anyway, 7th grade year came and was heavy but had been losing. I switched schools second semester, and I still continued to try to loose weight.
8th grade year was different, and I'm just going into my second semester of it.
At the beggining of the year, when YearBook pictures were taken, I felt like I looked too fat in my picture, so I stopped eating. I dropped almost eighteen pounds. Which I guess was enough since I was 154 pounds and five foot eight. Now I weigh 136, and I've been really happy, but my Mom............. She makes it difficult. I was starving myself for days on end for at least a month and a half until I got to my desired weight. I started eating again, slowly but surely, but I still don't eat a lot. Everytime I remotely even pick up something to eat that contains sugar or fat my Mom will turn to me and say, "Do you want gain all that weight back?" or "You're going to get fat," or some other derogatory comment about my weight. She doesnt understand that the slightest comment about my weight can easily send me right back into my anorexia mode. When I tried to talk to her about it all she said was, "Shut up with your
attitude and drama. I only say that because I don't want you to get heavy. If you keep eating foods with sugar in them, you're going to get fat." If I ever try to talk to her about it, she says I'm being dramatic, and I lost the weight from Cheer or running club.
Last night was my moms boyfriends birthday, and they had Dr. Thunder there. I don't usually ever drink soda, but I wanted some. I had a half a glass of it, and then wanted some more, but when I went to get more, my Mom came around and said loudly, "You're going to get FAT!" and it really hurt and embarassed me. Since I usually never have any sugary foods or soda I decided I was going to just drink more soda, that it was going to be one of those days where I was going to splurge. I went upstairs and while skyping my friend, not realizing it, drank half a liter of soda. I was really super embarassed, but didn't tell my mom. I accidentally left the bottle on the counter, and the next day when I was eating a piece of frenchbread for breakfast, she told me that she found the bottle. She told me I was going to get fat, and gaining weight, and I was never going to get skinny, and she said if I kept eating that piece of bread and drinking soda it was going to get worse. She made me feel like I was obese, and right now I'm sort of crying as I type this.
I feel like I kind of just want to crawl under a rock and die. I've been struggling with this since I've been young, and my mom DOESNT help. I hate her right now, I can't even look at her, all she does is put me down, all the time. I cant stand her mental abuse anymore.
I feel ugly and fat and now I just don't want to eat anymore. Everyone on here is probably going to say, "Just talk to her" but I cant talk to her, she'll call me emotional, then I'll get upset and she'll accuse me of having an attitude and she will take away my phone and laptop and ground me.
I dont knoww what to do.
Is 136 too heavy for a five foot eight girl? I don't know if my Mom really thinks I'm gaining weight back, but if she does, I'm really scared.

Comments for Feel fat....

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I can already tell you are truly beautiful...
by: Alison

Liliana - first of all I want to say that your name is beautiful! Just like it sounds like you are inside and out!

Second of all...WOW. It's sounds like you've been through quite an ordeal. I'm so glad God led you to this site, and that you left a message. I'm a young woman who would simply love to encourage you in what you are going through. My email is awatson421@gmail.com. Or, I can get yours and contact you.

Know, that God has great plans for you! He longs for you to know your true worth and beauty, and for you to live a confident, joy-filled life! Can't wait to talk more!


Trying to help
by: Sarah Nicole

Liliana, I sorta know how you feel. In my opinion, you shouldn't go starving yourself so you can lose weight. Also, I don't think your mom understands what you are going through. Yes, you may not want to talk to her, but you should try again. Tell her that her saying those things really make you feel bad. Tell her that your not trying to be dramatic, that you would just like some help. And another thing, you should except the body that your given. I have had that problem and it seemed that everytime I tried to change myself so I would look better, i always stayed the same.
I hope God is with you through this time, and that the feeling bad, and being embarressed well pass on.

You are loved
by: Joanna

Okay I know it's tough because we've always heard that God wants us to obey our parents. But if your mom is verbally abusing you by telling you your fat or making you feel ugly you need to talk to her about it. And about starving yourself. Honey, I've been there. Trust me, I struggled with anorexia for 2 years and even had some problems with throwing up as well. It's gross, it ruins your life and never satisfies you. 136 is a good weight and is not too heavy. God doesn't love us based on jean sizes or weight. I'm 5'2 and when I was anorexic I thought I was fat when I weighed 94 pounds. These are satans lies. He deceives us and wants to see us destroy ourselves. God thinks your so beautiful he died for you! That's how much he loves you. You need to know he thinks your beautiful and you are loved and you are wanted. Never ever think you aren't. I'm praying for you <3 God bless!

you are amazing :)
by: michelle

dont listen to anything that is said to you. you are an amazing person. dont let anybody tell you different. you always have many other people to talk to. your not alone in this struggle, and we can allovercome it together. your mom prob has no idea how hard it is for you to go through this. i know my mom doest. he jokes about it like its nothing and like i am just trying to get someones attention. and its not. i found your story while i was writing an essay about eating disorders (it was an excuse to bring this all to my moms attention) and your story has deff inspired me that i can overcome this and that i am not alone :)

You Are Worth A LOT More!
by: Anonymous

Liliana, first of all, I just want to tell you that i'm sorry you're going through this but i want you to realize that you're so much more than what you or your mom make you out to be. God sees us as strong, beautiful young women!!! And you too are beautiful...inside and out. :]. One day i was watching t.v. and they presented a man who was about 800 pounds and let me tell you, this man was extremely happy no matter how much he weighed because he said that he had joy because God doesn't look at a person's appearence but at their heart and that's what makes them beautiful!
Like it says in 1 Peter 3:3-4, it not about the outward appearance, its about the inner part that counts. 1 Peter 3:3-4...."Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.". If you are 5 foot 8 then and wheigh 130 or so, then you are definately NOT FAT!!! you're at a perfect weight for your height. It's not healthy to not eat because when you do that, your body first eats away the fat then continues to eating the muscle and can deteriorate over the time and you don't want that to happen. you are beautiful and GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!! Don't let what your mom says get to you okay just block out every negative thing she tells you and just hand your hurt,your problems, your sadness and whatever else you feel unto the hands of GOD. He'll help you out, just remember to pray to him.

I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel.
It's hard, I think, all girls feel fat sometimes. Its just how God wired us. When I don't eat it just makes things worse, because then I get hungry and then I feel guilty for wanting to eat.
I'm getting better but it's still really hard.
Don't listen to your mom, listen to God.
Satan wants you to feel ugly, fat, and worthless. But your not. God made you for a purpose. Don't let Satan beat you down.

Be Aware
by: Anonymous

I agree with the last comment somewhat, except, that God did NOT wire us to be that way! (Maybe you didn't mean it like that) God might have wired us with a great capacity for emotion, but it was for his GOOD purposes like comforting and caring for others, not for whining and worrying about our weight. You are so right, that God purposed us for more :)

by: Allie

I completely know how you feel. I have felt like I was fat ALL the time.
And to boot, my mom used to make me go on diets. Yeah not diet, DIETS.
With an S.
Multiple ones.
One time it get so extreme, that my science fair project was about if I should eat what I want, or should I think about it first.
But I didn't starve myself, what I did was I hide in the pantry and eat so that I could make my mom mad. The sad thing was that I was only 9 and 10 years old when this took place.I am now twelve years old and now I feel better about myself! :)
My suggestions are that you just pray about it. I know that if you speak to the mountain that it shall be removed. In other words, if you speak everyday, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well," Psalm 139:14
Then God will bring it to pass.

~Allie C.

Great Insight, Allie!
by: Alison

Allie, that is great wisdom from you! Keep encouraging the girls your age around you. What an amazing help you can be!

God loves you and accepts you always
by: Anonymous

I also know how you feel. I was there too. You have been given a lot of wonderful Godly council in the responses I read. The thing I wanted to add was this...remember that we are not put here on earth to be man pleasers. It is a trap straight from the pit of hell that we need to look a certain way and that we need to have the acceptance and approval of the people around us. God expects us to take care of our bodies (eat healthy and exercise) and to not practice glutony or punish ourselves with starvation. Our focus is not to be on our outward appearance, but on our heart, and our love for God and others. When we actually apply God's Word in our lives, we are beautiful from the inside out. When we are busy serving God, learning His Word, and sharing His great love with others, we don't focus on whether a person weighs the right amount or not. I am so very sorry that your mother has been so shallow and hurtful toward you. As a parent, I would rather her encourage you to become all you can be spiritually. A woman who is full of joy, peace, and love, is as beautiful as they get....no matter how much she weighs! God bless you and remember....HE LOVES YOU and ACCEPTS YOU....ALWAYS!

I understand!
by: Anonymous

Hey Liliana! I'm 13 years old and I understand what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing right now. When I was younger I used to do gymnastics but quit around the end of 6th grade. When I quit I gained weight. I no longer felt skinny. I felt fat. I guess I didn't gain a lot of weight, but enough for my mom and my sisters to start commenting on it. They still do. Every time I go to a party and drink a little soda (we don't have soda at my house so I only drink it when we go to a restaurant or party) my mom or dad practically knocks it out of my hand. They say I'm going to get fat. I guess I might be exaggerating a bit but I'm not sure. I feel even more self-conscious at school. Nobody teases me about my weight or anything (I'm 5 ft and weigh 102 pounds), but I feel like I need to be super skinny. Everybody at my school plays a high intensive sport and they are really skinny and athletic. I feel fat and embarrassed to wear anything that might show my stomach. Even during summer I wear a sweater even when it's blazing hot. I try not to eat a lot but not too little that I become anorexic. I can tell I'm getting weaker and weaker, but when I eat more, I feel like I'm getting fatter.

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