DO YOU LIVE IN A SHADOW OF SOMEONE ELSE

by M.. CLAUDIA
(FLORIDA)

I STARTED TO CUT MYSELF ABOUT A YEAR AGO WHEN I WAS 12 . I REMEMBER THAT I STARTED AT SCHOOL IN ENGLISH CLASS. NOW AM 13. BUT WHEN I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL, LIKE I'M ALONE AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I CANT HELP IT BUT TO CUT MY ARM OR WRIST. I REALLY DONT CUT MYSELF THAT MUCH ANY MORE BUT I STILL DO IT ONCE IN A WHILE . I LIVE WITH MY SCARS, THEY TORMENT ME . I NEVER REALLY FIGURED WHY I SELF INJURE MYSELF, BUT I REALIZED I ALWAYS FELT THAT I WAS LIVING IN THE SHAWDOW OF MY OLDER SISTER. SHE IS VERY PRETTY. SHE IS 6 YEARS OLDER THAN ME BUT IT ALWAYS BOTHERED ME THAT MY GUY FRIENDS WOULD FLIRT WITH HER AND NOT ME OR THAT MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS WOULD COMPLIMENT HER ON HER LOOKS AND NOT ME, NO MATTER HOW MANY HOURS I SPEND IN MY ROOM GETTING READY. SHE IS SMART AND I KNOW I AM TOO, BUT I'M AFRAID TO SHOW IT . EVERY YEAR I WIN AN CERTIFICATE ON MY ACADEMICS BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. PLUS SHE ALWAYS GETS WHAT SHE WANTS. IF SHE WANTS SOMETHING AND I WANT SOMETHING ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS GO TO MY STEP DAD AND HER WISH IS HIS COMMAND. I LOVE HER, I REALLY DO, BUT I FEEL LESS THAN I SHOULD FEEL. IF I ASK MY PARENTS WHY, THEY JUST SAY SHE IS OLDER THAN YOU, BUT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S THE SAME EXCUSE EVERY TIME. I'M STILL 13 AND I STILL SELF INJURE MYSELF.....LORD DID YOU FORGET ME ????