cutting :(

im 13 and i started cutting myself when my boyfriend at the time start treating me like dirt. he never talked to me, only when it was good for him and when he did talk to me he mainly yelled at me because he didnt respect my choice to not have sex till i was married so he would always say stuff like well then you dont really love me bc if u did u would want to have sex with me and he would always threaten to cheat on me with his x-girlfriends. he would say that bc he knew that it upset me and thats when i started to cut (again). and finally i biult up the courage to tell my best friend becca and she got really mad bc she said she wishes i would have talked to her instead of cutting but cutting was easier then talking. i made her promise not to tell anyone and she promises but when we were walking back to her house from the park she got so mad the she punched a fence poll and she kept talking to me not really yelling but she was talking firmly and she asked if she could tell our friend will and said yea but i want to b there and she said she would make sure she waited but then she just told me that she was talking to him on facebook and she told him. it made me really pissed off and so when i got home from my grandmas which is where we were i cut myself again bc i was so pissed at her but those arent the only reasons i cut i hold one of the worst secrets to hold inside. i cant tell anyone bc if i do my friends at school would b in shock and i think it would take along time for them to adapt:( i wish it would but i no it would.i wish i didnt cut bc i no its not healthy but its one thing that keeps me from doing stuff more stupid and it gets worst now and then like suicidal thoughts. i wish it would all go away! :( i use my little red knife i got for christmas one year but when i cant find that i use anything i can find. the one thing i hate the most is my friend becca checks me for cuts evry time im around her its nevr gonna be the same, she is always gonna do that and i wish she could just trust me again. ;(