Confusion about my feelings

I have a question about boys.

OK, I am 17. when I was 14 I had a crush on a boy from church that is 2 years younger than me. The next year I found out from him that he had a crush on me too. We secretly dated for a year and a half. We never kissed or had sex. The farthest we went was holding hands twice, he put him arm around me a few times, and resting a foot on the others foot. Yes, we sat next to each other often. We sat very close only a few times. I rubbed his back once when he asked me too(we probably would have been closer that time but a friend came to where we were so we couldn't). We kept it a secret for 2 years. My mother finaly found out and talked to us and made us brake up. I told his parents and my ex and I didn't talk for a while. Not because we weren't allowed to, but because we didn't feel comfortable. We are talking now after 1 year.

I still love him, but we can't be together and he wants me to "let go of him" and not have any feelings for him. Well, I still do even though I have tried not to. It didn't help that I had a dream about us last night.

My first question is "how can I let go of him and stop loving him"?

I have a problem with liking boys. Always have. How can I not have feelings for guys? Because my ex's father said that I will get in trouble with boys because of my personality. What do I do?

Please help! Thank you so much.

Comments for Confusion about my feelings

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Look toward God for direction and answers
by: Sarah

Hi! I read your message and question, and have some thoughts to share with you. Hope you don't mind.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with liking a boy. Emotions, feelings, love and attraction are all things created by God, and meant for us to enjoy. But there is always a season for everything, and a specific time, place and instructions from God to enjoy what He has created.

So firstly, you must start to ask yourself why you find yourself liking these boys. Is it because they are cute? Is it because they like you as well? Is it because it makes you feel good to know that you are attractive to them? Is it to feel accepted? There are many possible reasons, and you have to be honest with yourself and God. If you are not clear of the reason, ask God to show you.

God created attraction between a man and a woman, He also created love between a man and a woman, and His purposed for this is marriage. So when you find yourself attracted to a boy, remember that this must ultimately lead to marriage, in God's plan. So is this God's plan, or is it just your flesh that is weak? Pray for God's wisdom to reveal this to you and to help you.

The guideline is that you must marry a man who loves God, and you must also love God and want to follow after Him with all your heart. Your relationship must be honouring to God, and hence there must be no secrets. It should be open, your parents and his parents and the church leaders should all know about it, and in fact, you should seek their approval and advice before entering into a relationship, because they will be better in position to guide you and provide advice. Importantly, they care for you and love you and will want the best for you.

When you keep a secret inside you, there will not be peace inside of you. You can't keep secrets from God, He knows everything.

I don't think you should try to "stop loving him", because practically that is difficult, if not impossible, to do. A better approach is to analyze your own feelings, in light of God's instructions. Constantly be in prayer with God and ask Him what is His plan. If it is indeed His plan, He will reveal it to you, and He will make it happen in His timing. So do not rush things that are not meant to be at this time. There is nothing in the bible that says that you cannot marry a man younger than you.

I think it's best to look at your own personality, and think why is it that your ex's father would say that you will get in trouble with boys.

Remember that your body is a temple of God. And you must honour God with your body and not defile it. Pray lots and lots. All the best! Do also read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Josh Harris.

Be praying for you, do write again if you have more questions.

In Christ,

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