Anorexia? me? How did this happen..?

by nicole
(new york)

I have always been a relatively thin girl. I'm currently 17 and started to become concerned with my weight when i was 15. When i was 15 I was the fattest I have ever been. With help from my very health concerned mother I lost about 5 pounds, putting me at 105 lbs.. which really is pretty normal for my height and body type. After I lost that weight i went back to my normal terrible eating habits. I probably gained about 10 pounds.. Thats when this past spring of 2011 i started to get concerned again. This time when i was trying to lose weight it was different though. It started coming off slowly.. then when i saw the results.. it made me happy. So i started eating less to speed it up. That was 6 months ago..I'm now the thinnest i ever have been (96 lbs), new bones are showing, and i receive a lot more attention, good attention. I look good. But now i cant seem to maintain this weight... i just keep losing weight because if i eat anything, i think i will go back to my old body. So instead of maintaing my skinny new body.. i keep getting bonier and bonier. My mom even begs me to eat some things. i just dont want to. Its like i talk to myself in my head... "Nicole, dont eat that you dont want your old body, do you?". I scare myself sometimes. There are some days where i binge eat then starve the next two days because i feel this painful guilt inside of me. Is it anorexia? is this normal?