All messed up, depression.

by Aubrey
(Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia)

Here's my story, I'm 15 this year. I am not like the other youth who doing activities with their friends such as hanging out, sleep over and so on. I want to but you know what? I don't even know who are my true friends. Everytime my friend comes and asks me :" Who is your best friend?" I would made up some lies and saying " oh, there's a girl named marianne from my church and she's my best friend, we're very close. she knows every single secret of mine" but the Marianne I made up does't exist in this world, all the words I said is a lie. Then people would think that I'm happy with my life with perfect family and besties around me but the truth is no!


I'm just another loner who stays at home doing my own stuff. I always keep my thoughts and feeling inside my heart, I can hardly ever tell anyone. When I see people who are full of confidence, my confidence starting to be lower and lower. I keep my eyes away from them. I feel lonely and empty very often, I even cry at night but I wouldn't' tell anyone.

My friends started to ignore me sometimes. My parents just don't believe in me. Sometime, I just hate myself. Yes, I know I have to love myself but I can't. I just don't like the way I am sometimes. I know this is me but I feel that me, myself is awful sometimes.

I want to search for my true friend but............ :( I want to be what a fifteener do. I dont want to be alone. I notice that I don't smile that often like I only smile once a day :( Is all the problem come from me? Answer me, I seriously in need of help.

Comments for All messed up, depression.

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just think about it
by: shaniece

i feel a lot like you now and i am 15 turing 16
soon

i am the same way
i dont really go out with my friends quite often but instead of staying home al the time and being bored
i try to stay active and go different places even if it is just by myself

but believe it or not, people are paying attention to the way carry urself
so, if they notice that u dont really have a good self esteem then they wont want to hang out with you

now i know that i dont know ur parents (obviously) but i dont know if its that ur parents dont believe in you orrrrrr if they really do believe in you and want you to do better-in whatever it is that you do-but they are getting frustrated with you because u may not be pushing urself to your fullest potential

it can be really hard to shake those feeling but it up to you to change
you also need to find someone that you can trust and tell them what kind of emotions you have been having

but all im trying to say is that maybe u should try to see things from a different point of view

It's time for a change
by: Sarah

Dear Aubrey,

At this age most teens go through an identity crisis, and wonder who they are, what life is about, what are they actually good at, who are their friends, etc. Because many people dwell in this too much, they try to find their identity or base their identity on their friends, or their activities, or worse drugs and other bad influences.

What you must focus on now, is to focus on God. Your identity is in God. You are God's creation, God's child, God's beloved. He loves you with an unconditional love. He calls us friend and child. He even sent His Son to be crucified for our sins, and we certainly do not deserve His grace! If you read the Bible daily and ask for God to show Himself to you, He will. And you will be amazed and changed by His love.

You see, Aubrey, you don't find a true friend. A true friend is gift from God, and you have to ask Him sincerely for one. But before that, you have to ask God to help you to be a true friend to others. A true friend must be honest, must be real with others. You cannot wear a mask because that does not allow you to develop a true friendship or relationship with others.

There's nothing to be ashamed of if you don't have a best friend or have problems in your family or life. Because everyone is the same! Anyone who says that their life is perfect and they have the perfect family and friends is lying through their teeth! Man is sinful and nothing on earth is perfect. Only Jesus is perfect. So you have to learn (with God's grace) to be honest and truthful to everyone. God is not ashamed of you. He loves you just the way you are, and that's what a true friend will do, love you the way you are and accept your faults.

Look to God instead of comparing yourself with others around you. Because there will always be someone better than you, and there will always be someone worse off than you. True satisfaction and joy will only come from God and having a personal relationship with Him. When you cry, don't cry alone. Cry to God. He longs for you to speak to Him.

Lastly, don't listen to the negative thoughts that you have about yourself. Those are not from God. Those are from the enemy and you need to reject those negative thoughts and rest in the Truth.

Keep praying and seeking God. Be praying for you.

-Sarah
go for it!
by: mary

you know i'm just like you. but i'm 13. heres what you need to do first of all if you have a family member that really cares for you, talk to them, or think of things you like in your mind that help build your courage frome time to time, i sought help from my cousins because they where my true friends. or keep telling your parents and put some emotion into it, what bests for you go for it!

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