Modesty with the parents

by Rose
(Baltimore)

I have grown up in a Catholic home for 14 years. My father has recently become very strict about modesty. Neither my parents used to be so it came to me as a surprise and my first instinct was to rebel. So i eventually did. I bought short shorts and later on when my dad saw me in them he told me he was "disgusted, ashamed, and disappointed in me". I never thought the shorts were inappropriate. I am not a slut. I don't talk like one, act like one, or do anything to make one think I am. I've been having many problems with the way I dress with my parents.

The media (magazines, billboards), friends, and people in school all seem to be doing it. I don't see anything wrong with it though. If I know that I'm not dressing for attention, why does it even matter? It's usual for one to want to fit in, and i already do, but i feel like if I go under my father's standards then I will automatically become a social pariah. A person everyone makes fun of.

I will admit I care how I look and I always do try to look nice. I do have my own standards when it comes to clothes. If I think shorts come up so your butt is falling out I think that is inappropriate. I do not buy super low cut shirts except camisoles which I won't wear it without something over it when in public. My dad doesn't want a shirt unless its up to my neck and loose. He wants sleeves on it. Honestly, he expects me to dress like a guy. Loose t-shirts and baggy shorts that go to the knees. He's actually bought me shorts like that.

Can you please give me advice?

Comments for Modesty with the parents

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Some advice
by: Sarah

Dear Rose,

Your parents do sound pretty strict. I'm probably somewhere closer to your age, but older than you and younger than your parents. So hope that my words are able to be some sort of advice to you.

I think you have identified clearly that you felt the need to rebel against your parents, because of the way and attitude that they suddenly became strict about modesty.

One thing you can consider doing is to sit down and talk to them about it. I know that that might sound absurd to you, you might think they won't hear you out. But the least you should do is to try. Think it through, sit down and hear them out. Ask them why they have suddenly become so strict. After listening to them, ask them to listen to your point of view, and calmly tell them what you feel. And somewhere along the way, ask for a compromise, something that you both can agree upon.

My guess is that your parents have realized that you are growing up, that you are blossoming into a pretty young lady and they are afraid you will get taken advantage of. Not so much to say that you are a slut or that you are disgracing them, but they are concerned at how boys will look at you, and not only that, but what will go through their minds when they see you. Or will they even see you for who you are instead of just looking at your legs your figure?

You see, as much as we can say that we do not have the intention to mislead boys or trying to attract the wrong type of people, our dressing will do just that if we are not careful. It's not just about what others are doing (which I caution you to be careful about, because usually just following the crowd is not the right thing to do), but about what kind of impression you are giving to others.

Yes there will be those who will think you are a good dresser and stop there. But there will also be those who will have dirty thoughts about you. And what if they come to take advantage of you? Or grow close to you and pretend to love you just to take advantage of you? You would have played a part to attract these people for the wrong reasons.

Media is very dangerous. They show what people want to see, not what is real. They show what sells. And sex sells very well. Just because they show sexy women together with beer and alcohol does not make it right.

I believe your parents are just concerned about you, not trying to limit you or prevent you from looking beautiful, because in their eyes you are already beautiful, no matter what you wear. And seriously, there is no need to dress less, but just dress well, wear clothes that fit and match.

Do talk to your parents about it, come to a consensus on what to wear. Try not to get angry because what you want is to hear their opinion, share your opinion and come to a loving consensus. Don't let this small matter break down the relationship you have with your parents.

Hope you do some good thinking, talk to other people, especially those older than you, who will be able to give you better advice.

i agree w/ her....above my comment=)
by: shaniece

i also am close to your age(15yrs old)
i really do think that your dad and mom dont mean any harm by what they are Trying to tell you
maybe you could comprimise with you parents
you culd wear a lot of things that are modest but still very fashionable
like skinny jeans or maybe even straight leg jeans and those flowy looking shirts that still have a cute little print or design to it

because either way it goes your dad is going to eventually have to let you grow and mak ur own decisions on what you want to wear

but honestly i think that your dad is worried about how guys like to hit on gurls and presure them in to sex and such and he prolly thinks that if u dres in a way that hides ur figure then you wont have those problems
which is not always true

ur parents especially ur da are just trying to get used to the fact that u are growing upjust give them some time to wrap their heads around that
theyll come around
God bless


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