by GiGi Bastian
I've always been the average-sized girl in my school. Never fat never skinny. Sure, I've had my times where I've gotten heavy, but then I'd go right back down with the right diet and exercise. I watched all the tiny girls around me wear bikinis to birthday parties, pool parties, the beach, etc. I wanted to wear a bikini so badly. I knew that I wasn't in the best of shape. Sure, I could wear a bikini and I'd look fine in it. I had a little extra flab to my stomach, but not much AT ALL. I had the smallest pooch, so normally you'd think, "Well, that's fine. Just wear a bikini. You're twelve, you're still a kid!"
My Mom had worn bikinis all her life so I didn't know what the issue was. I asked her to buy me a bikini. She gently told me that she wouldn't allow me to wear one. I was furious. I told my mom that all the other girls got to wear one, so why not me? She told me I was to young for one. I didn't believe it. I was angry at her for not letting me dress like everybody else. Sure, I was one of the preitter girls at school, and I didn't see that as a problem that had to deal with wearing a bikini.
After a few weeks passed by, I became thinner. I had lost about six pounds. I had recently been invited to an all girls pool party so I begged my mom to let me wear a bikini. She told me no, that I wasn't allowed to wear one.
I threw a fit and started to cry. I told her that she was being unfair. Finally, my mom sighed and said, "Fine. Let's go get you a bikini."
We drove to Target in search of a bikini. When we saw the racks of bikinis there, my mom froze. She said, "Is there not ONE string bikini in here?"
I pointed up to a picture of a girl on a sign. "There. That one's not a string bikini."
I was suddenly struck by the size of the models body. It was thin. Her stomach was completely flat and her legs looked like tiny, tan sticks. I knew that showing up at the party I wouldn't look like that.
"I can't do this" I mumbled.
"What?" Mom asked.
"I can't wear a bikini. I don't look like her" I said, pointing up to the sign.
"You're right. You look like you" Mom said. As she continued to talk she told me that she probably wouldn't have even let me walk out of the store with a bikini because they all looked like very, small, string bikinis. My mom and I bought a tankini. Leopard print to be exact. I loved my new bathingsuit and I knew that everybody else would to.
As months passed by and I drew closer to my thirteenth birthday, I would constantly watch other girls wear a bikini. I still wanted to, but I knew I would never be as thin as my five foot three eighty five pound friend. She was tiny. And I mean tiny. All my schoolmates made fun of me for not wearing a bikini.
Now that I look back at everything that's happened, I think that there does come a time in your life when you can wear a bikini. For some girls its when they turn thirteen, for other girls its been throughout their who lives, and for other girls they may not even wear a bikini throughout their whole lives.
As I came closer to my thirteenth birthday my Mom told me that she would let me wear a bikini after I turned thirteen. In some ways I was happy and in some ways I couldn't stop thinking, "What if people think I'm fat?"
My mom told me that the only reason I didn't wear a bikini before was due to the size of my chest. I had a bigger chest than other girls at my school- D cup to be exact. I hadn't realized it before, but my Mom was just protecting me from the rest of the world that would have stared at me.
Now that I've thought about it, I still haven't worn a bikini. It's almost my birthday and I know that when it comes time when I turn thirteen, I'll be ready for the short board shorts and a tankini top that reaches my belly button.
I just know that in my heart I could never have worn that tiny bikini. Even if it was around just girls. I knew that God was telling me to honor myself. I'm not saying that by wearing a bikini is not honoring yourself, but in my heart I felt it was wrong at such a young age. I think that you can wear cute, fashionable stuff, like a smaller tankini top if you want to show your stomach off a little, or a bikini bottom as long as it's modest. You'll know in your heart if its right or wrong for you.