i am totally confused

by Emilia
(Ecuador)

i seriously need help!

okay so.. theres this guy who likes me.. and he likes me like.. a lot.. and ive been going out with him. i didnt tell my parents though because they dont like his parents.. and i mean, since when do people tell you who to love?

anyway, i do like him too..hes caring, nice, calls when he says he will and stuff.. and man, he really likes me for who i am.. not like the other jerks ive had to deal with.

my main question though is if im gonna be happy if he gets to be my boyfriend. i mean, he should be able to come to my house and i should be able to go to his without any awkward moments w his parents.. i really dont know what to do.. and i mean, i definitely plan to tell my parents.. and i really need to know what they think about this.. right? because if not.. jeeez it would be horrible right? and anyway, i dont wanna have a fight with my parents.

should i keep on going out with him or not? what if my parents dont agree and i still like him? i mean, i think ive shown the guy i like him a lot.. and it would be horrible for him if i dumped him just like that..

help me!
thank you so much!

Comments for i am totally confused

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honesty is the best policy
by: kelly

You cant live your life through your parents allthough they obviously get a say in it,you have to sometimes go with your own feelings and gut instincts,if you genuinly feel that this relationship could be heading somewhere then follow your heart.
I'm not encouraging you to argue with your folks you must be honest with them about it all,before you enbark on a relationship with this boy,sit them down and explain who he is,and what you feel for each other,encourage him to do the same with his parents.
They will appreciate your honesty and it will mean a lot to them that you are discussing it with them 1st in a mature way.
GOOD LUCK!!!

Honor your parents
by: S'ambrosia

My first word of advice would be to respect your parents. God placed them as the authority in your life, so out of respect to God, respect them. Obeying your parents is the best thing you can do for your relationship! If you're hiding this in the dark, it makes it so much easier to hide other things in the dark... one sin will easily lead to another. Talk to your parents about it ASAP, and if they still disagree, you know what you need to do. I don't believe that you would've asked the question if you didn't know in your heart of hearts what needs to happen. It may seem hard at first, but there's nothing wrong with being just friends. If he really does care for you, he won't mind being friends instead of gf and bf and he wouldn't cause you to dishonor your parents. After all, most great relationships start out with a solid friendship, and if this is something you expect to last, start out walking together in the light instead of darkness.

More advice
by: Sarah

Dear Emilia,

I agree with the above 2 comments - that you need to be honest and truthful about the whole thing - and right away! One sin will lead to another, and God knows that this path that you have will just lead into pain and hurt eventually.

That is why He gives us the Bible, so that we can refer it when we have troubles. And it has all the answers to life's questions. Try it.

God tells us to honour our parents. Which means that you have to be truthful, honest, and patient. They are your parents for a reason, and they really have been through much more than you have. Even if you feel they don't understand you all the time, there are times when your parents are probably the ones who understand you the best. So don't give up before you even try. And don't forget that they were young once too. They have also been in love before.

Tell them honestly what you feel, what you want for the future, what you hope to have. And tell them that you value their opinions and want to hear what they have to say, and then really listen to what they have to say. Perhaps they really have a good reason if they were to object to this relationship. Although parents are not always right (they're human too!), they have a God-given authority in a family, and the most important thing is that they love you. If they love you, they will not want to hurt you or cause you harm, so you can be sure that everything they do is to protect you and care for you.

But I think the most important thing that you should do is pray. I'm not sure if you already know God, but God is the answer to all our problems. If you seek Him earnestly and do not give up, you will find Him. That is His promise to us.

When you pray to Him, your burdens will be lifted, you will feel God's peace come over you, you will know what God wants you to do.

Lift up your whole situation in prayer to God, ask God for a solution, ask Him to show you how to talk to your parents, ask Him to show you what He wants you to do, and ask Him to show you if this is the boy that He has planned for you.

Yes, God has plans for each of us, He has planned your life, and His plans are to prosper us and not to harm us. If you really trust God, and trust His plans, then you will release your relationship with this boy, and your relationship with your parents to God, and trust that no matter what happens, God is in control. God is in control of your life and your situation no matter what, and He has the best plan for you.

You see, I have been through this, and it is not easy, but when we learn to trust God, we will find that God never disappoints us. He is always faithful and He really loves us and cares for us and wants the best for us. Sometimes we need to give up what we are holding, so that He can exchange it for something better.

Ponder about His love for a moment, and pray.

In Christ,
Sarah

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